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English League Podcast >> from Speak English with Class. [music] >> Hey, English learners. Welcome back to the English League Podcast, your cozy little place to learn easy English through real everyday conversations. I'm Anna. >> And I'm Jake. >> Jake, you look thoughtful today. >> I am. I had a small moment yesterday and it stayed with me. >> What happened? >> A friend asked me to meet for dinner and I wanted to say no because I was tired. >> But you said yes. >> Of course, I said yes. I gave the classic tired person answer. Sure, no problem. >> [laughter] >> The sentence people say when there is absolutely a problem. >> Exactly. That sentence was polite, but my body was not happy. >> That is very honest. >> I went to dinner, smiled, talked, laughed a little, but inside I kept thinking I should be home. I should be resting. >> Mhm, that is such a real situation. >> And it made me think. Sometimes we don't dislike other people, we just keep ignoring ourselves. >> That is a powerful line. >> We say yes to everyone, but no to our own peace. >> And that is where today's topic begins. >> Today, we're talking about learning to love yourself more. >> But not in a selfish way. >> Right, not I am better than everyone. >> More like I matter, too. >> Yes, loving yourself more means you stop leaving yourself last every single time. >> That is a beautiful angle. >> Because self-love is not always candles, spa days, or perfect confidence. >> Sometimes self-love is going home when you are tired. >> Sometimes it is not replying immediately. >> Sometimes it is saying that actually hurt me. >> And sometimes it is being proud of yourself before someone else claps for you. >> If you're learning English with us today, just relax into the conversation. >> This episode is great for B1 and B2 learners. And if you are A2, you can still follow the main idea. >> You don't need to understand every word. Listen for the feeling. Repeat the useful lines and stay with us. >> Later, we'll also do a calm word tour with six useful words from the conversation. >> And after the episode, you can continue practicing inside the English Leap Club. >> The link is in the description. You'll find the transcript, quizzes, games, and more practice activities there. >> And near the end, we'll do say it better. >> We'll take simple self-love sentences and make them sound more natural. >> Like instead of saying, "I always forget myself." >> You can say, "I often neglect my own needs." >> And instead of saying, "I want people to say I am good." >> You can say, "I often look for approval from others." >> So stay with us. Today, we'll talk about self-love in a calm, honest, real-life way. Jake, I want to go back to that dinner story. >> My tired dinner mistake? >> Yes, but I don't think it was only a mistake. I think many people do that. >> Say yes when they want to say no? >> Yes, and then they call it kindness. >> Oof, that one hurts. >> Because sometimes it is kindness, but sometimes it is fear. >> Fear of disappointing someone? >> Fear of looking rude. >> Fear that people will think you don't care. >> Exactly. That is the quiet pressure many people carry. >> I like that better. >> We want to be good friends, good family members, good colleagues, but sometimes we forget to be good to ourselves. >> That is the part people don't notice. >> And then one day, you feel tired, irritated, and a little sad, but you don't know why. >> Because you have been giving little pieces of yourself away. >> Mhm, yes. >> I think the hard part is that it doesn't happen dramatically. >> No, it happens in tiny moments. >> You reply when you need rest. >> You smile when something hurts. >> You say, "It's okay." when it is not okay. >> You agree to a plan when your heart says, "Please, don't." >> And slowly you start feeling far away from yourself. >> That is such a good way to say it. >> Far away from yourself. >> I think self-love is learning to come back. >> Not in a loud way. >> No, in a quiet way. >> Like asking, "What do I actually need right now?" >> Yes, that question is small, but it can change your day. >> What do I actually need right now? >> Maybe you need rest. >> Maybe you need honesty. >> Maybe you need silence. >> Maybe you need to stop checking your phone. >> Or maybe you need to admit, "I'm hurt." >> That one is hard. >> It is, because sometimes we pretend we are fine to keep the peace. >> And then the peace is only outside. Inside, you are not peaceful. >> That is very true. >> I had that with a message once. >> What happened? >> I sent a long message to someone. Not emotional, but thoughtful. I took time to write it. >> Okay. >> They replied with one word, "Cool." >> Oh, no. >> The famous friendship killer. >> [laughter] >> Jake. >> I know. They probably didn't mean anything bad, but I felt small for a moment. >> That makes sense. >> And instead of saying, "That reply felt a little cold." I said, "No worries." >> Ah. >> But there were worries. >> Many worries? >> A whole conference of worries. >> [laughter] >> That is very real. >> Later, I realized I was waiting for their approval. >> Approval means wanting someone to accept, praise, or agree with you. >> Yes, I wanted their response to make me feel good about what I had said. >> And when it didn't, your mood dropped. >> Immediately. >> That happens so easily. >> It does, and I don't think wanting approval is always bad. >> No, we all like support. We all like kind words. >> But, if you need approval before you can feel okay, that becomes heavy. >> Because your peace depends on other people's reactions. >> And other people are not always careful with that power. >> Sometimes they are tired. >> Sometimes they are busy. >> Sometimes they reply badly. >> Sometimes they don't understand how much something mattered to you. >> So, self-love means you don't hand them the whole remote control for your mood. >> Careful, that sounds like the old episode. >> [laughter] >> You're right. Let me say it differently. >> Please do. >> Self-love means you can listen to other people's opinions, but you don't let those opinions become your whole identity. >> That is fresh and true. >> Your value cannot depend on one message, one compliment, one like, or one person's mood. >> Mhm, that takes practice. >> It does, and this connects to self-respect. >> Self-respect means treating yourself like you matter. >> Yes, not more than everyone in a cruel way, but not less than everyone, either. >> I think that is the balance. >> Self-respect is asking, "Would I let someone treat my friend like this?" >> Oof. >> Because sometimes we protect our friends better than we protect ourselves. >> That is painfully true. >> If your friend said, "I'm exhausted, but I said yes again," you would probably say, "Please rest." >> But when it's you, you say, "Just push through." >> Yes, that's the problem. >> We become very strict managers of our own energy. >> Strict managers with no holiday policy. >> Very poor management. >> I had a moment like that last week. >> Tell me. >> I was helping a friend with something small. At least I thought it was small. >> Dangerous beginning. >> Yes, it started as one favor, then another question, then another message, then suddenly I was solving a whole problem that was not really mine. >> And you felt tired. >> Not at first. At first I felt useful. >> That's tricky. >> Very tricky. Helping can feel good, but later I noticed I was becoming a little resentful. >> Resentment means quietly angry because you feel something is unfair, right? >> Yes, resentment is that anger that builds slowly when you keep accepting things you don't really want. >> That is an important word. >> It is, because resentment often starts where honest communication is missing. >> So instead of saying I can help with this part, but not everything, you kept saying yes. >> Yes, and then I felt annoyed at my friend. >> But part of it was because you didn't say your limit. >> That's the honest part. My friend asked, I agreed, then I quietly blamed them for taking too much. >> That is very human. >> It is, and I think self-love sometimes means being honest before resentment grows. >> Like saying, I can help for 20 minutes, but then I need to stop. >> Yes, or I care about you, but I can't take this on today. >> That sounds kind, but clear. >> Exactly. Kind and clear. >> I like this because self-love isn't just a feeling, it is a choice inside normal situations. >> Yes, it shows up in messages, plans, favors, work, family, friendships. >> And even in how you talk to yourself after a mistake. >> That part matters so much. >> I used to think loving yourself meant thinking, I am amazing all the time. >> That sounds exhausting. >> It is. Some days I don't feel amazing. Some days I feel like a confused sandwich. >> [laughter] >> A confused sandwich? >> I don't know. It felt right. >> Somehow I understand. >> But now I think self-love is more like compassion. >> Compassion means kindness and understanding when someone is struggling. >> Yes, and self-compassion means giving that kindness to yourself, too. >> That is beautiful. >> So if I make a mistake, I don't have to say, "I'm terrible." >> You can say, "That didn't go well, but I can learn from it." >> If I feel tired, I don't have to say, "I'm lazy." >> You can say, "Maybe I need rest." >> If I feel behind, I don't have to say, "Everyone is better than me." >> You can say, "I'm moving at my own pace." >> That feels much kinder. >> And more useful. >> Because harsh words don't always make you stronger. >> Sometimes they just make you smaller. >> Mhm, that is true. >> Self-love is not pretending everything is perfect. It is staying with yourself when things are not perfect. >> That line is strong. >> Thank you. >> I think another part is making yourself a priority. >> Priority means something important that you choose to give time and attention to. >> Yes, and many people say family is a priority, work is a priority, friends are a priority. >> But they never put themselves on the list. >> Exactly. They forget that they belong on the list, too. >> Much better. >> You can care about other people and still care about yourself. >> Yes, it is not one or the other. >> Like food. >> Food? >> If you are serving dinner to everyone, you still need a plate, too. >> [laughter] >> That is simple, but very clear. >> Thank you. I speak in snacks. >> You do. >> But it makes sense. You can feed everyone else and still be hungry. >> That is a powerful image. >> And many people live like that emotionally. >> They keep giving comfort, attention, patience, and support. >> But they don't give any of that to themselves. >> That is emotional hunger. >> Mhm. >> So, maybe loving yourself more means asking, "Where am I hungry in my life?" >> Ooh, that is good. >> Hungry for rest. >> Hungry for respect. >> Hungry for quiet. >> Hungry for honest conversation. >> Hungry for time that belongs to you. >> That is a fresh way to think about it. >> And the answer may be very small. >> Like going to bed earlier. >> Or not checking your phone for 1 hour. >> Or telling someone, "I can't talk tonight, but I hope you're okay." >> Or saying, "I need to think before I answer." >> That one is useful. >> Very useful, because you don't always have to answer immediately. >> That is hard for me. >> Same. >> I feel pressure to respond quickly. >> Why? >> I think I worry people will think I don't care. >> That is approval again. >> It is. Approval wearing a different outfit. >> Nice. >> But maybe self-respect says, "I can care and still take time." >> Yes, that is a sentence worth keeping. >> I can care and still take time. >> Beautiful. >> I want to ask something. Is loving yourself more than anyone else too strong? >> Good question. >> Because it can sound selfish. >> It can, but I think the meaning depends on how we explain it. >> How would you explain it? >> Loving yourself more than anyone else doesn't mean you don't love other people. >> Mhm. >> It means you don't abandon yourself to keep other people comfortable. >> That is the heart of the episode. >> Yes. It means you stop asking, "How can I make everyone happy?" and start asking, "Can I be kind them without being cruel to myself?" >> That is a beautiful balance. >> You can be loving. >> You can be generous. >> You can be patient. >> But you should not disappear. >> You should still be present in your own life. >> That is much better. >> Thank you. >> I think people will feel that. >> I hope so. >> Because many learners listening may be kind people. They may care deeply about family, friends, work, responsibilities. >> Yes, and maybe they don't need to become harder. >> They just need to include themselves. >> That's it. Include yourself. >> In your plans. >> In your kindness. >> In your patience. >> In your forgiveness. >> In your future. >> And even in your daily schedule. >> Put yourself somewhere on the calendar. >> Yes, even a small space. >> And now, let's slow down and practice the six useful words from today. Our first word is self-respect. >> Self-respect. Self-respect. >> Self-respect means treating yourself like you matter. >> It means you do not accept things that hurt your peace or make you feel small. >> Maybe someone keeps speaking to you in a rude way. >> You could say, "I need enough self-respect to step back from this." >> Or maybe you are learning to value your own time. >> Then you could say, "Self-respect means not ignoring my own needs." Our next word is approval. >> Approval. Approval. >> Approval means acceptance, praise, or agreement from other people. >> We often want approval from friends, family, teachers, managers, or people online. >> Maybe you feel happy only when someone praises you. >> You could say, "I often look for from others." >> Or maybe you are learning to trust yourself more. >> Then you could say, "I don't want to depend on other people's approval." Our next word is neglect. >> Ne-glect. Neglect. >> Neglect means to ignore something or not take care of it properly. >> You can neglect your health, your sleep, your feelings, or your own needs. >> Maybe you always help others but never rest. >> You could say, "I sometimes neglect my own needs." >> Or maybe you have been ignoring your mental health. >> Then you could say, "I don't want to neglect my well-being anymore." Our next word is resentment. >> Re-sent-ment. Resentment. >> Resentment is anger that builds slowly when you feel something is unfair. >> It often happens when you keep saying yes, but inside you really want to say no. >> Maybe you always help someone but they never respect your time. >> You could say, "I started to feel resentment." >> Or maybe you want to be honest before anger grows. >> Then you could say, "I need to speak honestly before resentment builds." Our next word is priority. >> Pri-or-i-ty. Priority. >> A priority is something important that you choose to give time and attention to. >> Work can be a priority. >> Family can be a priority. >> Health can be a priority. >> And your peace can be a priority, too. >> Maybe you are trying to take better care of your health. >> You could say, "My health needs to be a priority." >> Or maybe you want to stop putting yourself last. >> Then you could say, "I'm learning to make myself a priority." >> Our final word is compassion. >> Com-pas-sion. Compassion. >> Compassion means kindness and understanding when someone is struggling. >> Self-compassion means giving that kindness to yourself, too. >> Maybe you made a mistake and you feel bad. >> You could say, "I need to show myself some compassion." >> Or [clears throat] maybe your friend is having a hard time. >> Then you could say, "I tried to respond with compassion." >> Beautiful. Today we learned six powerful words: self-respect, approval, neglect, resentment, priority, and compassion. >> Try to use one of these words when you talk about self-love. >> And if you want to practice these words more, visit the English Leap Club through the link in the description. >> You can review the transcript, practice with quizzes and games, and keep building your English step by step. >> Good. Now let's take a few simple self-love sentences. >> And say them better. >> Let's start with a common sentence. I always forget myself. >> The feeling is clear, but we can make it more natural. >> You can say, "I often neglect my own needs." >> Or, "I keep putting myself last." >> That sounds honest and natural. >> Here's one. "I want people to say I am good." >> We understand it, but it sounds a little direct. >> You can say, "I often look for approval from others." >> Or, "I'm learning not to depend on other people's approval." >> That sounds more mature. >> What about this one? "I feel angry because I always say yes." >> Very real sentence. >> A smoother way is, "I feel resentful because I keep saying yes when I want to say no." >> Or, "I think resentment is building because I haven't been honest about my limits." >> Strong sentence. >> Here's another one. "I am also important." >> Simple and true. >> But if you want to say it more naturally, you can say, "My needs matter, too." >> Or, "I'm learning to make myself a priority." >> Beautiful. >> Let's do one for being kinder to yourself. Some learners say, "I should not hate myself when I make mistakes." >> We understand the meaning, but it sounds heavy. >> A softer way is, "I'm learning to show myself compassion when I make mistakes." >> Or, "I can be kind to myself and still learn from my mistakes." >> That is such a useful sentence. >> One more. A learner might say, "I love people, but I don't want to lose myself." >> That is already a strong idea. >> A smoother version is, "I can care about others without abandoning myself." >> Or, "I can be kind to people without being cruel to myself." >> That is the heart of today's episode. >> I like this segment because self-love can sound like a big topic, but these sentences make it practical. >> Yes, they help you talk about real life, messages, plans, guilt, rest, and your own needs. >> So, now we want to hear from you. >> What is one small way you can love yourself more this week? >> Try to use one word from today's word tour: self-respect, approval, neglect, resentment, priority, or compassion. >> And if you want to practice more, visit the English Leap Club through the link in the description. >> Thank you for learning with us today. >> Keep practicing, take care, and don't leave yourself last. >> Bye for now. >> Your progress doesn't [music] end here. 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