The Forehead Fabled Cast

[singing] [music] >> Hey, what's up guys? You're talking to the consummate failure. I had an absolute failure of a event that happened. International Cheese and Wine Night, you know, it was on July 25th. >> Right. Um >> Huge plans for it. It didn't It didn't go off well. Did not go off well. It was >> What can you do? >> Try again next year, perhaps. The >> getting It's not about how uh You have to get back up. >> Yeah. Yeah. And well, I mean, it's also kind of Let me Let me run through the whole thing. The first time Yeah. First year it was like, okay, we're all going to dress up fancy, we're going to have fancy cheeses, fancy wines, play some party games. And then like 25 people showed up. And 25 people in a Discord, six people in a Discord that all want to talk is already too much, I think. >> Yeah. >> 25 is like And very quickly when alcohol's involved, all of a sudden >> You got a lot of talkers. >> a lot of talkers, and then there's all of a sudden people going Let's go play Overwatch. And then they're like screaming about Overwatch over what other people are talking about. It was just a lot of like and it was a full sensory overload. It was just a bit much and so um even when we went to play we we had that modded peak um where you could like have as many people as you want on there. >> Right. >> And and even there like you could just hear people screaming from the top of the mountain. Like it was just so many voices raining down on you from every direction. >> Drink to that. >> Oh no, that's nice. It's [ __ ] porno music I'M LISTENING TO. >> IT WAS LIKE THIS IS HERBIE HANCOCK WATERMELON >> WATERMELON MAN. This is Watermelon man. WHAT THE [ __ ] IS THAT? >> I FEEL LIKE ALL OF OUR FRIENDS ARE YELLING AT OUR EARS even though they died minutes ago. >> And so this time I went out of my way. I was like what what's something where we can have almost unlimited amounts of people. And if someone's pissing you off you can walk away from them. Just like directional void, you know? >> Crab game. >> Crab game was a contender. That was on the list and then I was like have you ever died in the beginning of crab game when there's a hundred people on the server? You sit there like an [ __ ] for like 15 minutes, 20 minutes waiting for the next round. Like it can be such a bore sometimes. >> Yeah. >> So >> um Stalt had the great idea of doing Zomboid and we would do a mall lock-in. The annoying part about Zomboid is if you go to play it sometimes you you s- spawn in and go like Oh, you guys are all the way over in Rosewood? I got like a 40-minute walk to get there, you know? >> Yeah. >> And so we were going to do a custom map where it's a mall. You just spawn in the mall. There's a [ __ ] billion zombies and everybody is just you know trying to stay alive and if you die so what? You just respawn back in the mall. um The concept was perfect. And a couple things happened. A couple bad things happened. One, I think I pissed off my friends doing it. They were like, "What? Like we're doing zombie though we were going to do like party games like Jackbox and stuff." cuz I wanted to like include everybody. And in my in my attempts to like make sure nobody was excluded, it like I think it pissed off >> You pushed away the ones you cared about most. >> Yeah. >> Which sucks. >> So, uh some of my friends didn't even show up. >> [clears throat] >> And then um on top of that, the server itself, I sit down. I'm all dressed up. I got my [ __ ] cheese board. Got my bottle of champagne. I immediately pop it open. I I down the entire bottle of champagne like an [ __ ] empty stomach. Then got like wait I I >> A full bottle? >> Yeah. Well, no, it was a it was one of the like half ones. >> Okay. >> Yeah. I >> [clears throat] >> But I have no >> I have only ever seen you drink like two Shirley Temples. >> I know, right? I have My mom, dude. Somebody put the [ __ ] earmuffs on her earn right now, man, but like I cannot handle alcohol well. I I only have a couple beers and I'm I'm toast. So, I immediately got like beyond the ability to do any sort of like server maintenance type drunk. And and Dugo was supposed to be the server guy. And uh the server goes live, instantly fills up, has a max capacity of 100 people. It's 100 people immediately fill up. I can't get into my own server. And so then I'm like, "What the Like I can't even get in." >> pissed. >> A little bit, yeah. Cuz I paid $350 to get the server for this event. >> Yeah. >> And it's supposed to start at 6:00. Going on 7:30, still can't get in. And so then I start going down to I have all these different rooms in the Discord that were like bracketed out for 25 groups of 25 people so they could all have their cameras on and stuff and and have like a communal time hanging out. And because I would see everybody in there would have suits and ties on and fancy outfits on. Um and then you would see a person in there with like a t-shirt. And I >> T-shirt with a tuxedo print on it. Okay, [ __ ] >> No, there was just there were people in there were just like regular [ __ ] on, like a hoodie or something. And I'd be like, look, you're free to come in the Discord, but you better not be in that [ __ ] Zomboid server wearing a t-shirt on International Cheese and Wine Night. That is a faux pas. And tried to bully people out of the server and nobody was leaving. Uh and then I eventually >> you. [laughter] >> So I go, I paid for it. At least let me in. And and then there was people that were like condescending to me. They were like, "What? You didn't put a white list on it?" I don't know how to [ __ ] do that. I'm not a tech person, dude. You you >> Is it the 1930s? Everyone's allowed in the server. [laughter] >> Yeah. But I just felt like an [ __ ] waiting in line to get into my own club, you know, so >> Yeah. >> then I get in and then immediately >> an aura loss, too, cuz it's not like when Bruce Wayne's like, I'll buy the whole [ __ ] club so I can get in here. You're like, "Please, somebody." >> I buy the I buy the club, the bouncer says >> [laughter] >> "Not tonight, buddy." >> You're freaking the girls out. You got to go. >> You're a ho, scare. Get out. >> [laughter] >> And so I eventually do get in after like an hour and a half. And uh >> Plastered drunk. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> [gasps] >> And immediately my game crashes, so I have to wait in line a second time. And then and then when I when I get in the second time, actually that time I just said, "Dude, go restart the [ __ ] server. I'm sorry. Just restart it. I'll slip in as it's restarting." I got in quicker that time. Um we're just walking around the mall. No zombies. No [ __ ] There's not a single zombie in the mall. And so it's just a bunch of people just like walking around. A lot of my friends at this point are like "I'm not going to wait in a queue to join a game." So they've split up and playing different games, which is their right. They can go do that. Um But that means I have no like There's no like bodyguard esque type like I'm just by myself. >> The bouncers left. >> Yeah, the bouncers left. So then if I said anything, I would hear someone one floor below me go "I heard him. I'm [ __ ] coming." And there's >> the zombie. >> Yeah, there's no actual like zombies to like even give us a common enemy, you know? Uh so I was getting hunted down a little bit. And then I found where the zombies were. Cuz we we definitely had them set to like respawn. We had them set so that there was a massive amount of them. I think the people that made this the mod were expecting maybe that you're inside the mall and it's like Dawn of the Dead style where you have to keep the zombies from coming in the mall. Maybe. Uh but there's respawn points for the zombies that were out in the parking lots. And I was looking at like the server statistics. You can see the back end like there's 5,000 zombies spawned right now. And I would see that the number was constantly going down and then spiking back up and going down and spiking back up. And out in the parking lot, somebody had just Molotov'd the spawn points for the zombies and they were spawning on fire and then dying and then before they would despawn, new ones would spawn on top, catch fire. So it's just like a never-ending like extermination camp out in the parking lot chugging the server and they weren't able to live long enough to get to the mall cuz they were just burning. Uh and it was just a monumental failure on all all accounts. Uh but, you know what? We'll get them next year. We'll get them >> There's always next year. >> Yeah, there's always next year. Uh besides that though, I mean, everybody I met was awesome. Everybody and you know what? I I consider it a failure, but I got so many messages the next day where it was like uh pictures of people have taken it and then gone and done their own thing, which is awesome. >> Yeah, that is cool. >> I I'll get pictures of people where they're like, "Hey, but me and my friends like we get together and we play like Mario Party or something like that at their apartment." And they'll just have pictures of them all dressed up eating charcuterie. >> That's sweet. >> Yeah. Yeah. And uh and so as long as that's happening, you know what? If you had an awesome International Cheese and Wine Night, then and I had a horrible one, that's the price I'm willing to pay for you to have a good one. Consider me like a Jesus a Jesus type. Yeah, Jesus wasn't having a good a good time on that cross, but his followers I think were really thankful he was up there. And that's kind of like me as my Zomboid server is dwindling at my feet. >> I'm Zom-Judas. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> How much did he sell him out for? Like 100 silvers? I'm just >> pieces of silver. It wasn't even that many. But according to >> less. >> According to >> With inflation though. >> According to Jesus Christ Superstar, is that the name of that movie? >> That is the name of something. >> Yeah. >> I thought it was like a musical or something. >> It is. Judas He's got some great musical pieces, so I think he deserved at least 30 pieces of silver is all I'm saying. Cuz he carried the movie. Um he's got And his outfits were [ __ ] incredible in that movie, too. >> You strike me as more of a Cain. Or wait, which one was it? The brother killer. >> Yeah, that was Cain. >> Either Cain or Abel. It's been a really long time since I've had the kids Bible read to me. >> [laughter] >> No, it was definitely Cain. >> Yeah, yeah, Cain rocks. >> Kind of a personal hero >> [laughter] >> Yeah? Who just had the balls to do it? >> had the >> It's not that Yeah, he is like literally the first person to just go like, "I'm going to be kind of twisted and evil." Like it to be the first It's one thing >> [laughter] >> It's one thing >> He's second guy to kill your brother. >> Yeah. Cuz then you have like a to lead by example. You know, there's people out there that come out the gates and they go, "Uh-uh. I'm go I'm going to be the first [ __ ] to do this." That's why you have to You kind of have to look at people like Salvador Dalí and be like, "Really?" >> You're That's awesome that you're just going to be like, "I'm going to have an anteater as a pet. I'm going to have a crazy mustache that goes up to my eyebrows." Like nobody had done that [ __ ] before. Have you ever seen someone that looked like Hulk Hogan before Hulk Hogan came out? Like there's some people that just come out the gates and they're like, "I know >> Andre the Giant. It's like, "I'm You know what? >> [laughter] >> Yeah, when he was a kid, he was like, "I'm going to grow up to be a [ __ ] giant." No, like nobody's ever seen >> [laughter] >> There's some people that just come out the gates and they go, "You know what? I'm just going to I'm going to be this regardless >> little person. >> Yeah, the first [ __ ] [laughter] it was >> Okay, now I'm doing something novel. >> [laughter] >> I don't want to be a kid forever. >> I think the balls that Cain had to not only be the first person to kill his his brother or the first person to murder, >> Yeah. >> but then to also turn to the guy that obviously created everything and go, "I didn't do that [ __ ] What are you talking [laughter] about? Yeah. That just takes kind of insane balls, I think. >> Yeah. >> I think God should have waterboarded him right there instead of doing waiting a couple hundred years and doing the whole Noah thing. I think he would have saved a lot of grief if he would have just waterboarded him, but what do I know? >> Truth now. >> [laughter] >> I know you're lying, dude. There's like [ __ ] four people on the planet and Abel's body is face down in the creek around the corner. I know exactly [clears throat] >> People can't drown back then. [laughter] People can't slip and fall. >> He's all-seeing and all-knowing. >> Oh my god, he was the first accident. An accident happened. [laughter] A horrible accident. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I thought You know, so many people are we are probably named from the Bible, >> Mhm. >> but not a lot of brothers named Cain and Cain and Abel. That'd be pretty cool. >> Yeah. But uh >> The closest I had to that was uh >> a rivalry. >> I went to school with uh Meshach, Shadrach, and Abednego. And they're they're from the Bible. >> know what that is, but it sounds so cool. >> I think they're brothers from the Bible. And they were they were awesome. They were pretty cool. Yeah. >> And Meshach, Shadrach, and one of them got hit by a car and killed. >> Yeah. >> Which sucks cuz it's like kind of an iconic trio name. >> It's It's also what happens in the Bible. It's kind of ironic. >> Yeah, I think Yeah. >> Hit by a horse and killed. Oh my god. It was a Mustang. >> But uh that is uh There's a lot of cool names that are in the Bible and people don't ever use them. They always use stuff like Samuel. My mom was always like >> Joshua. >> Yeah. >> [groaning] >> Paul. [ __ ] that, dude. What about Methuselah? That's an awesome name. Nebuchadnezzar. >> I was trying to remember what that You know, the ship from the Matrix. >> Yeah. There's There's a lot of badass names out there. >> talked about that. >> People don't use them. >> [clears throat] >> I'm going to have a horrible time no matter if I have a kid. I've got a lot of name opinions and uh not very popular. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. My old girlfriend >> Yeah, not very Not a lot of hits. >> Well, what do you have so far? >> I think I've said this one cuz if it's a girl you're familiar with a boy named Sue, you know? I don't really remember the song or whatever, but I think it makes him tough. >> Yeah. >> Cuz he's like oh, I'll show you a a Sue boy. And I think Gigantosaurous for a woman because there's so much pressure on body image, you know? >> Yeah. >> And uh whatever like GLPs and stuff, so it's like name a woman Gigantosaurous. Okay, she'll show you a Gigantosaurous. I don't know if that would make her really fat or if she would be very confident, but stuff like that I like. >> so hard to make it an ironic name, I think. And and she >> And she'd have a hard time and she'd have to realize at a point that you it's your name. >> Yeah. >> Um I like the idea of just switching my middle name and first name so that my kid's name is like almost exactly the same as mine. Um I like Mhm. [snorts] Salt Salt Sultan Saltar >> You could just do like a guy's name that isn't even like unisex in any way. Like Larry. Like there's no there's no way to make that feminine in any conceivable way. >> For a girl? >> Yeah. >> Oh, well I'm I'm thinking on both sides here. I wouldn't name a girl Saltar or anything, you know, I would be >> I was going to be named Balthazar. You should name a girl Balthazar. I think would be a sick name. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, there's a lot of good ones out there. Like I might do an ironic one of those like Emberlely or whatever where it's like a bunch of >> E I G H's and yeah. >> Just see what people find that funny or if people think I'm being serious. I don't know. I'd be a good judge like how well do you know me? >> Yeah. >> My family's like that's beautiful or >> I think Bizzle if you ever had a kid is like it's going to be named Super Dracula DaVinci because you they have no They have no option but to be [ __ ] awesome. >> woman will think of that. >> Yeah, see that's where it really a lot of those dreams die is when you pitch them. And they're like well I like John. It's oh okay. [clears throat] So you're going to be the 20,000th John born today. >> Bizzle has a remarkable capacity for picking women in life that just go whatever you want dude. Like >> [laughter] >> he just kind of he just kind of gets to do whatever. [ __ ] it like [laughter] whatever. >> Yeah, I mean I will eat my I'll eat a sock if he has a child and that's his legal name. [laughter] >> Super Dracula DaVinci. >> I'll eat a dirty sock. >> I feel like the people at the records office would be like no. They would have to they would have to tell him to pump his brakes I feel like. But >> There's got to be a limit what they let you. Like Fat bastard. You [clears throat] mean you can't >> You can't name it that. But >> [gasps] >> I tried to even pitch him like well you call it Gigantosaurous maybe you can call her like GG or something for short you know. I would never call him that. And also how do you feel about if your kids I have a couple of friends I was talking to recently they call their parents by just their parents names. What are your thoughts on that? >> What like instead of like mom and dad yeah mom and dad they would they would call me Sam. >> like >> Sam. I find it disturbing. >> It depends how old you are, first of all. But no, it actually doesn't. It really doesn't. Yeah. Um I remember my my mom and my dad got mad at me because in my phone they're just named their first and last name. >> That's That's That's even you're pushing it in my book. >> I'm like why? Why like if we all have the same last name, we're all together in the contacts list, I'm not going to have you in a completely separate area of the phone hunting for you in dad, you know, my last name isn't dad, doesn't start with a D, so they you're [clears throat] you're completely separated from us. I feel like you would be so lonely up there. So I just have them first and last name. And they they got upset about that. But now I still call them mom and dad. Um I I don't know. >> You did. >> I did. Yeah, I did. Yeah, thanks for bringing that up. That's your [ __ ] Yeah, thanks for just bringing this to a completely dark and emotional place, but >> I said something like that this weekend that did not land. You'd be shocked how people can be a little touchy about this kind >> It is weird how like when people's parents die horrifically how they're it's like a sore subject for a little bit, yeah. >> Well, that's not what happened. Um it wasn't a dead parent, but I was at a wedding and the guy has two moms cuz one of his moms transitioned when we were like little kids. And he was talking about like the >> Yeah. We're doing like we were talking about the uh He was like, "Yeah, so I'll probably be like first dance and then I'll dance with my mom." And I'm like, "Which one?" And everyone was just like I'm like, "It's a genuine question. I don't know. Like are you doing two different dances?" And I could just tell all my friends like, "Dude, come on." >> [laughter] >> I was like, "All right. Well, I'm just genuinely curious about how this wedding's going to be working." >> Yeah, like it's probably the one with the penis, probably. Or the one that had the penis originally would probably be the one that you would dance with. >> Well, I found out it during the wedding and it was a beautiful ceremony and uh >> Was it the one that had the penis? >> I honestly don't remember. It kind of Well, if if I'm not a part of the wedding, I'm just like, "This [ __ ] sucks. >> [laughter] >> This is boring." I just [gasps] I feel I feel so bad. I feel like every wedding I've been to, something always happens. I mean, it's just like part of weddings. Where is like last year it was like a fight breaks out at the wedding or like >> That's awesome. >> Cousin Cousin you didn't invite shows up and is hammered. And at this one, the entire time they were talking, they were just having massive technical difficulties. >> I know that feeling. >> When you like Like when you know the guy up there did not want to laugh cuz it's like, "Oh my god, this is horrible." But the person officiating did not know how to work. He was not very adaptable. And it was cutting out every other second for like 3 seconds. And he would He never at one point was like, "You know what? There's only 50 people here. How about I put the mic down and just project?" He just kept talking, so everyone missed like half of what he was saying. He'd be like, "They first met at and then the rest is history." I'm like, "What Where did they meet?" [laughter] I have no I I want to know what happened. >> That's awesome. A redacted A redacted ceremony. [laughter] It makes him It made him sound like they're [ __ ] agents or something. >> Yeah. >> They met at blank. Do you take >> confidential >> Like, "What's her name?" "Who is she?" >> [gasps] >> There she It was just happening the entire time and my friend Cash, stupid [ __ ] apparently he was watching reels in the shower, took too long, and [clears throat] he showed up about 30 minutes into the ceremony. And just kind of ruined the vibe of the whole thing and uh >> He sits down mid-ceremony. What's happening? Somebody fill me in. >> What's going on WITH THE MIC? >> [laughter] >> IS THIS IN MY EARS or is everyone hearing this? >> [clears throat] >> And uh I think I've developed Well, I didn't realize what was happening until right before this episode. But a I think I'm getting like anxious, like late-life anxiety or OCD about every wedding any big event. I talked about this at the Seattle wedding. I'm like constantly scared that I somehow [ __ ] my pants or I'm going to [ __ ] my pants during a wedding now. And I'm like more nervous than the [ __ ] grooms. I don't know what the hell is going on with me. But total misery. My girlfriend was like, "You're shaking." During it, she's like, "What's going on with you?" I'm like, "I'm going to poop my pants." >> that you're having a physical response to >> And she was like, "He's He's doesn't want to marry me. The wedding's scaring him." And in my head the whole time I'm like, "It feels warm down there. >> [laughter] >> Why does it feel so warm down there?" And I smell like a fart smell. I'm like, "Is that me? I pooped my pants?" And uh no, it's just I didn't poop my pants, but the whole weekend I was just [ __ ] She actually got mad at me at one point cuz she's like, "Like I'm fine with you talking about it, but I'm not going to lie, 90% of today you have just talked about having to poop or hoping you don't poop. And uh 90% was generous. It was we went through a museum and the entire time I was just like Oh my god, like what if I pooped in the museum right now? And I didn't know what the [ __ ] was going on with my body. And then I saw a [ __ ] comment on one of our videos. And this guy's been doing like diarrhea hex on me. >> [clears throat] >> Day he's on day 13. >> Yeah. >> And it's been like [clears throat] a week and a half, like so maybe I kicked in late. But I've not had a solid [ __ ] in probably 10 days. >> This is money well spent. >> my diet. >> Cuz I I paid that guy to do that hex for the past 2 weeks. >> I ruined their wedding. I ruined a birthday trip. I ruined a lot and it was [clears throat] just like >> I just love I love Wait, so when It's irrational. When you're at when you're sitting there at the wedding >> Yeah. >> and you're shaking, are you shaking because you're clamping your [ __ ] so tight that you're cuz there's diarrhea on the other side of it or you're just shaking cuz you're scared that you have diarrhea filling your pants? >> It's a little bit of both. It's a little like I'm pushing down on the seat so hard so I'm like when it does come out and it's going to I want to try to plug it up with the seat as much as I can, but my cheeks are so big that they're leaving a lot of room for enough to spill down my pants and out my socks. So I have to push like real hard down on the seat. >> Yeah. >> And then I'm shaking because of my [snorts] body just can't sustain a downwards push for that long, you know? It's starting to get weary. >> Mhm. I'm trying to think of like ways that you could solve this. You could do you could put on like a wet suit under your clothing and then put tourniquets on your thighs. >> in that hotel, but yeah, I would have >> And then you could [ __ ] and fill up your pants all you all you want and it wouldn't go anywhere, but >> I would I can you know it's painful. I don't think I've ever pooped my pants. I don't know if it's cuz my dad once was like, yeah, when you turn when you start getting your late 20s, 30s, you're going to start [ __ ] your pants. Like just every once in a while you'll shart. Well, I think I do every day. >> older guys just go like, yeah, it's just a part of getting old having a horrific butt biome butt [clears throat] biome gut biome butt biome gut biome and it's uh, you know, like you do have to eat like yogurt and like probiotics and stuff every once in a while, but old dudes will be like, what the hell? I eat [ __ ] barbecue and I drink beer. >> I eat a yogurt and like 10 applesauces a day and for some reason [laughter] I'm like having diarrhea like crazy. But so many grapes like I don't know what's going I >> I drink a prune smoothie every morning. >> There's a poop disease going around and so I had convinced myself like I've got that lettuce born poop disease. >> god, yeah. Abby's gone full like carnivore diet cuz she's like, I'm I'm scared of eating lettuce. >> And let me tell you know, as a guy that's just got it without having the disease, it's yeah, it's not great. But it's also like livable. I think day to day if I just wore an adult diaper I'd feel a lot more comfortable. >> Yeah. >> And people would me I don't know if they notice they'll just go let's just for precaution. I've actually never [ __ ] my pants at a thing like this, but >> be so cool cuz it's like people that really need them you see them wearing them and yeah, they they feel shame, but it's uh, if everybody just wore them it's just like just what if? >> Yeah. >> What if? You talk to the grandpa of the bride like what what brand you rocking? >> Yeah. >> I've got Pampers fat baby size. I'm I can't fit in the adult ones yet, but >> Yeah, that >> I'm getting there. >> Yeah, I'm working my way up to Depends. Depends are cool and everything, but they lack a lot of the colorful designs on them that I like with the Pull-Ups and Huggies. >> Going into the bathroom with only people I know and like they hear the changing table come down [laughter] and >> Yeah. >> Lay up on aisle me. Hold on. [laughter] >> [gasps] >> Nope, the little wipes >> The yellow line's blue. That means I tinkled. >> [laughter] >> Oh, wow, look at that. I don't even notice anymore. >> [laughter] >> Just stinks like [ __ ] >> [gasps] >> Well, but notice there's no mess. >> [laughter] >> Well, there's mess all over my back and but shooting it up your back as an adult too would just be >> [laughter] >> horrifying. While I'm having my baby colored shits, >> Yeah. >> consistency. Yeah, it's just It would It would Besides that, that was a great wedding. It was in Chicago, which I guess a great city, except for all the criminals and crime, but uh I had a >> Is Is it even that bad anymore? >> Well, it's like not where this wedding was. >> Yeah. >> It was very nice. >> I've You used to hear like a lot of people call it like what She She Rock or something. >> Shy Rock, yeah. >> Yeah. And and you would hear about the horrific crime rates and stuff and then I feel like that was uh that was kind of like something that was just perpetuated for a long time and then now every time I see Chicago, it's people like frolicking around going like, "It's a wonderful city! It's so clean and great!" >> Yeah. It's just [clears throat] It's like the everyone's just active and great shape walking around, riding bikes around. >> Yeah. >> That was It was beautiful. It's definitely like a city where if I told some of my relatives, they'd be like, "Oh my god, you're going to a wedding in Shy Rack?" >> Yeah. >> Um but no, it was cool. >> Mhm. >> [clears throat] >> I've I've always wanted to go there, but >> Well, I had a one interaction with a crazy person. Not bad for a big city. >> That's not bad, yeah. >> We were standing outside um like getting some air after the wedding and she walked up and uh immediately everyone was like, "Okay, let's tread lightly." So, I was doing a little like, you know, I was doing some sort of apparently a awesome dance. And she WAS JUST LIKE, >> [laughter] >> "I LOVE that dance." I'M LIKE, "OH GOD." >> [laughter] >> "OKAY, HELLO." And uh she was talking to the groom. He's like, "What are you doing here?" He's like, "Wedding." She's like, "I would love to come to your wedding." Like, "Oh my god, that would be so great." He's like, "Oh, fuck." "Not really what what I'm doing." She's like, "Oh." >> She spied free food a mile away. >> Yeah. And he was like, "Well, I don't think you can come to my wedding." She's like, "That's okay, I don't have my heels anyway." And he's like, "What are you doing in town?" And she's like, "I'm in town to [ __ ] all my husband's friends." And then he was like, "I know your husband." >> [laughter] >> We actually go way back. Yeah. >> "You mean my best friend?" >> [laughter] >> "More like a brother, really, >> [laughter] >> but yeah, after that all the all the people out there were like, "Well, it's time to maybe we go back [laughter] inside." >> Uh that's awesome. >> And uh Yeah, it I was waiting up I I made that joke and >> [clears throat] >> Well, let's just say it didn't go well. Nobody liked [laughter] that joke. I was like, "Oh, I love that guy." My girlfriend was like, "What the [ __ ] are you doing?" I'm like, "Oh, we were all thinking of a joke there." [laughter] But, nobody else made a joke. Didn't land. I was probably about one for 10 on the weekend, which is for me it's not bad. Yeah. It was pretty decent. What for good numbers? >> Jokes being How many of the jokes were related to you [ __ ] your pants and then >> Those weren't jokes. I wasn't joking about that at all. >> [laughter] >> I just got scared. >> Those were just serious observations about how moist your [ __ ] was. >> And I didn't like when anyone else would joke about it. So, this is not a [ __ ] game to me. >> Here's a question for you cuz I I'm I feel like I'm going through a current crisis that might be somewhat related to what you're going through. And but we we have just different viewpoints on it. Um is do you feel like some of your oh I've [ __ ] my pants mentality is coming from the fact that it's summer and you're getting swamp ass? Because I'm going through like a swamp ass era where I am going through every conceivable way of keeping my [ __ ] dry. And >> A little bit of toilet paper in between the cheeks? >> I'm trying to There's a lot of people that are like use baby baby powder. Baby powder, are you kidding me? Are you [ __ ] kidding me? I'm not using >> It goes well with the diaper to keep rash away. >> I'm not doing baby [clears throat] powder. That's crazy. I'm not powdering my [ __ ] >> It can be I listen, I'm not I've never done it, but I remember when my dad he'd have his little tool kit for work. There'd always be some baby powder in there. That's the guy that [ __ ] his pants multiple times at work. >> My point is is that are you afraid you're [ __ ] your pants or is your ass just really sweaty? >> I think it was like my body's giving me the signs. Yeah, like sweaty ass. I'm like feels wet. Feels warm. And then >> My sweat's unusually chunky in between my ass cheeks. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's just my body tricking me. I'm smelling this as a trick. >> My ass sweat smells a lot like diarrhea. >> Okay. >> Well, you know what sucks too is like I've probably mentioned it but Cash not once talked about having to [ __ ] That guy when he farts and it's like one of those things where he he sounds like I'm exaggerating but he has like every person that smells him are like dude, you should honestly go to a hospital and get it checked out and he thinks it's so funny. He loves it. >> I'm dying from the inside. Smell this. >> But no, like I had an uncle who seriously had like medically bad farts where he had to go there was something sick >> Yeah. >> and dying inside of him. >> [clears throat] >> And his are like that where like some of the people there even I was like I tried warning them. Like at some point he's going to wait for a big crowd to be gathered around. He's going to fart and it's going to stink so bad. And everyone's like okay, yeah dude, farts don't smell that bad. He did it at a bar for the after party. And 15 ft he's facing me. He's like on the other side looking at me. I smell it in a second. And I want to see the infrared cuz it goes somehow forwards [clears throat] backwards sideways. It's like And people by him WERE LIKE >> OH. WHAT IS THAT? >> And there were two of the guys like rubbing their eyes cuz they were watering. >> And all the girls are like what what in the hell is that? And he's immediately like right by me. >> [clears throat] >> I'm like dude, you can't do that. He's just cracking up. And they're blaming each other and he you know, he gets such a sick thrill out of that. >> I imagine if there's like have you ever seen like Constantine's vision where you can see like demons and stuff? Or no, is it Hellboy where they're like they put on the glasses and they can see like the demon one? I just imagine like you put it on and you just see like like Cthulhu like >> [laughter] >> like ghouls and ghoulies running around. >> ghoulie gas out of his [ __ ] >> Dude, it's like it's genuinely hilarious, but also like >> concerning. >> so It is I'm like cuz I love the guy and I don't want him to die at 40. >> Yeah. >> But he's he calls it he says that he's the macro biome and that his microbiomes are like they're fine. [laughter] But he He doesn't go to the doctor and he eats like gas station hot dogs all the time. And stuff like that. I'm like, "Dude, you're going to die." >> Yeah. >> He just drink a bunch of beers, eat a bunch of He's still in pretty good shape, but it's it's like the legacy he wants to leave behind. I think he He wants to die at like >> Is he in good shape or is he like when they Do you remember when they took those like league players from Korea and they like put them through like a DEXA scan and then they got physicians to look at them and they were like, "You're You have like the lung capacity of a 75-year-old man." >> he is not in good health. >> He Yeah, so health-wise he's horrific. But yeah, I mean I've seen him before. He's I mean he's in like >> He's just a normal dude. >> the space that a healthy person would. But internally it is a full-ass World War III on a microbial level. >> If it were Osmosis Jones, there wouldn't be a hero in there. There wouldn't be a pill guy. There wouldn't be a Osmosis >> Osmosis Jones has been flayed alive and Drix, his [laughter] little [ __ ] pill companion, has been fully waterboarded or something and killed. >> Drix was the Who's the villain with the claw? >> Well, okay, the villain with the claw has also been murdered by whatever's inside of him. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Yeah, I make the bubonic plague look like influenza and then his fart [ __ ] poison. >> [laughter] >> Twists his head backwards. >> You got all I'll have to like see if I can get one sent to you in the mail or something cuz you have to really experience it to get it, but it's like so sickly. Like it is like something he's not he's not doing well. >> You know, Drax Was it Drax? Yeah, Drax wanted to kill Bill Murray in Osmosis Jones, but whatever's inside Cash's body wants to keep him alive. You know, so maybe it's like if Osmosis Jones himself was the bad guy. >> I think he's like proto-human or something. >> He's got some sort of >> Neanderthal like >> Yeah. 50%. He he's >> There's it's just not >> It The farts are out of time. Like it's like >> multiple people every time he does it they're like dude, like you should honestly go like to a hospital and he's just like No, seriously. >> Have you >> You are dying. >> Have you ever heard that like people with really [ __ ] up gut biomes instead of doing like probiotics and stuff if those don't work they can resort to taking poop from a fresh ass with a freshly and then shoving it up a person's ass with a bad gut biome to just introduce the good bacteria. You might need to [ __ ] cram a healthy [ __ ] up his ass in a way. >> I don't know where to find one these days. >> [laughter] >> Put some of Pips. >> Yeah, what if you What if you crammed one up there and then like it instantly came back out smoking and like was just completely [laughter] desiccated? And it it >> Like tar and trips out. >> Yeah. >> [laughter and clears throat] >> It gets rejected by his ass. That's insane. >> will not accept [laughter] your entries. >> Yeah. >> Now, that was probably the highlight of the wedding. >> before this episode, we were uh it doing we're trying to like sign up for like a service. I don't know if you guys listen to other podcasts, but they have like ad reads. >> I hope not. >> And uh they'll do like ad reads and they get money for those and uh we've never figured out how to really have like a good ad read system. We've always just done like YouTube sponsor segments where we have to record it and send it in. We want the ones where we just go like hold up the script and read it and then get the money and then walk away. And while we were like signing up for that, it was like, "What's the content of your episodes and stuff?" And I just realized for This has been going on for 40 minutes. I think we've just been talking about [ __ ] our pants, uh Cash's [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> um oh, yeah, a little bit of that. Yeah, a little bit of that. Yeah. And then there was a lot of uh some swamp ass talk. Um but yeah, I'm sure I'm sure there's a plenty of sponsorship opportunities. [laughter] >> Gas-X. >> Yeah. >> Um natural segue. I have to grab something off the front porch. It's those flowers and I can't let them wilt. >> Okay, yeah, go for it. >> One second. Okay, well, it was actually not the flowers. >> Ah. >> It was another bug guy. I'm now got four bug guys all working together. >> They're doing rounds around your house? >> You should You should >> see if you can hire multiple of them. Don't make them [clears throat] fight for the contract. Be like, "I don't have a contract with anybody else." And see how many bug guys you can have. >> It's not illegal. >> Yeah. Yeah, so so what? My property has to be condemned because of the amount [clears throat] of insecticides [laughter] that have been poured on it? >> Grass won't even grow anymore, but all my dogs are dead. Uh I told you last time about how that how that new bug guy that was like, "I need to [clears throat] go to Delta Squad so I can skydive." >> Yeah, that was that was awesome. >> tell you that he came back after I thought I was somewhat like a real man and was like not interested after about an hour of chitchat. >> Well, he had you on the on the hook for an hour. >> Dude, he came back. I'm in my pajamas and uh my girlfriend went to go check the mail and was like, "Sam, there's somebody here for you." Nobody comes to my house for me. Nobody knows me here. And uh it was him. And uh I had to be >> wanted to hang out. >> I just said I was like, "Well, you caught me at a good time. I'm just hanging out." No, I I I just I I just had to lay it all out there. And it was actually really refreshing. It felt good. I was just He kept showing me these things and I'm like, "Dude, I looked up your company. It's the same thing as the other company. Like they're they're both in lawsuits about aggressive door-to-door sales tactics." And he's like, "Well, that's not really >> [clears throat] >> You're doing it right now. >> Yeah. >> I'm like, I I don't know, man. Like I want you to I want you to skydive. I really do, but I'm just >> he cranked up the aggression to 11 after that? He's like, "Oh, you know about the lawsuit, do you?" >> Yeah. >> I'm going to kill you. >> He gets in between you and the door. >> Yeah. [laughter] Why are you circling me, man? Hold on. Well, that's why I was scared cuz once again, he was he definitely works out. >> Yeah, he's trying to get in the Delta Force, dude. >> Yeah, I know. >> Is that even a thing, Delta Force? That's a thing, right? >> Yeah, that's where the elite of the elite go in our military, dude. Show some goddamn respect. >> I don't >> [laughter] >> I think I was >> Delta Force? >> I was almost in it once. Yeah, I remembering. >> I feel like you already have to be in the military. You can't just like sign up to be in Delta Force. >> not joining that Delta I told you he's joining his company has something called like Delta Squad. And if you sell >> Oh. >> all [ __ ] to idiots five days in a row. >> in the company thing? I thought >> Yes, he's not joining the [ __ ] military. He's trying to go skydiving for his company or something. >> And that's >> It's a bug bug spray squad of elite bug salesman. >> Okay. >> And I kept him >> retreat is they throw you out an airplane? >> Yeah, it's [ __ ] insane. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, and I I know and it's like it was such a dumb thing. >> And I feel like it's so hit or miss too whether or not somebody would even want to do that. >> find that cool. >> Yeah. >> Or yeah, if they Well, yeah, them. No, he he seemed like a guy that would really enjoy that. >> Yeah, but like the the other I mean like I know a lot of people that even people that are very active and stuff if you go, "Hey, would you jump out of a" >> pick your adventure. >> Yeah, I hope so. Cuz if >> Also, he could be completely lying cuz I told him I'm very susceptible to guilt trips and then immediately after I told him to make up. >> on the spot. >> I really want to go skydiving. >> Yeah. >> I've never been in the air before. >> If you buy this thing, I get to go skydiving is such a crazy >> And he did he did up the thing where the day before he had been like "I'll give you a $100 towards your cancellation fee." I'm like, "So I still have to spend like $100 and fill out the shit?" And then the next time he's like, "I'll pay for your entire cancellation fee." I'm like, "Dude, I'm watching TV and eating dinner. Like I don't want to fill out a form." And he's like, >> "How much do you want to pay me to not fill a form out?" >> inside right now? How about that?" >> Let me see your wallet. How much money you got on you right now? >> me 10 bucks, I won't walk in that [ __ ] door and close it and lock it." >> Dude, I They clearly have like a script kind of. And I like he got caught in a loop at my front porch cuz I was like, "I don't know how How many times I have to say this? Like, I don't give a [ __ ] about bugs. I like seeing bugs around." And he's like, "What if I can promise you no bugs ever?" I'm like, >> [laughter] >> "That's not what I'm What do you mean no bugs ever? Like, I'm going to see a [ __ ] bug if I got sight, even if you do the best job ever." And he's like, "Okay, well, what if like Notice how you have cobwebs on your siding?" I'm like, "I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying. I don't get I don't care." >> Yeah. He reached the back of his script and then turned it over and started from the beginning. >> "Delta Have I told you about Delta Squad skydiving?" I don't give a [ __ ] about skydiving either, really. >> You know what this reminds me of? Is you know that that book um God, what is Green Eggs and Ham? >> Oh, yeah. >> That is apparently like a sales like people in sales like idolize that book. >> Cuz it's just >> cuz they can't read well or something? >> No, it's it's a great example of just don't let them walk away. Don't always keep selling. That guy is like, "No, I don't want the [ __ ] Green Eggs and Ham." And then he's like, "Are you sure you don't want it in a box with a fox, on a train, on a plane? Whatever." All that crap. And at the very end, that [ __ ] he wears him down. He wears him down and he tries the Green Eggs and Ham and he loves it. >> It does work. >> I think he thought he was at the point where he had you in the train and on the plane and in the box and with the fox and all that. And he was like, "I'm about to get him to buy the [ __ ] bugs. I'm about to get him to buy the Green Eggs and Ham and he's going to [ __ ] love it. >> If you'd given me some box and let me go on that plane with [laughter] him, maybe. But No, I just kept telling him like I I was at the end of my list. And dude, you're cool, dude. Okay, you're handsome guy, you know, you got this cool salesman thing going. You were talking to a guy that does not care about bugs. I'm like, if you had been here a month earlier I would have signed up with you. And then they would have showed up and I would told told him the same thing. I'm like, don't you like brand loyalty? You know, I'm like You know, I'm loyal to those other guys. He's like, who's your salesman? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know his [ __ ] name. >> I'm loyal to the other company. What's in the company name? >> I don't give a [ __ ] about them either. I'm the bug merchant. I love bugs. And then it's like Yeah, he just couldn't get it through his head. And then he left with the saddest She saw it through the window. She's like, he looks so [ __ ] destroyed at [laughter] the end of that. He was just It's like 90° out. He had to get on his hoverboard and he's just >> [laughter] >> Like Charlie Brown walking away. I'm like >> imagined someone completely slumped over on a hoverboard. Just >> Well, we could talk about fentanyl and hoverboards >> leaning on a hoverboard [laughter] again. Yeah. Yeah. >> I imagine a magnetic >> [laughter] >> a maniac grabs a hoverboard from under his feet. Uh No, he's just like [laughter] It was I'm I'm going to invest in a no solicitors sign. It's going to say, "Solicitors will be [ __ ] tortured." >> Solicitors will be my best friend. You need to go out there and have the same energy that he has but towards just personal connection. And be like, oh, yeah, if I sign up for your Yeah. If If you sign up If I buy your service, your bug service, can we hang out? >> I told him at one point I was like, "You seem like a guy I'd go drink a beer with." And he He like >> [laughter] >> No. >> No? Oh, well then I'm not going to buy bug service from you. So >> Might you come inside and drink a beer with me right now? >> Do you want me to sign these papers? >> If you can go 40 minutes without talking about bugs, I'll sign up. >> Yeah. Come on, dude. I got I got a Steam Deck inside. We can go play some [ __ ] duck game. >> I got my PlayStation in the basement. >> [laughter] >> Or in some 2K. You seem like a cool guy. You seem like a really cool guy. >> Yeah. >> [ __ ] I love cool guys. >> [laughter] >> Come play Palworld with me for a couple days and I'll I'll mull that contract over. >> Sign up for the Patreon and get all your other [ __ ] bug guys. Sign [laughter] up for his Patreon and we can talk. >> Yeah, if I see Delta Force is subbed to the Patreon, then I will I will become whatever [clears throat] with the whatever your company is. >> profile. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> [gasps] >> Looking for a woman, huh? Get the hell OFF MY PORCH. >> [laughter] >> GET THE BOY TO SIGN THAT. TIME TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. >> [gasps] >> WHAT THE HELL IS Delta Force? Something else. >> That's crazy to have like an internal group within a company called Delta Force. >> And I told you how much he showed me his goddamn phone. They're texting like a 50 times a day. >> I wonder if Is there a separate group chat for Delta Force only? >> Probably he wants in that. >> Yeah, that's That must hurt if there's a group chat and you're excluded from it. And you know all the guys that are in it go skydiving and [ __ ] That's >> Yeah. Yeah, they're just like a group of like badass bachelors that >> [laughter] >> travel the world. >> Keanu Reeves movie where they go surfing and rob banks? >> Point Break. >> They take the Point [laughter] Break Point Break of bug a bug salesman. >> They got chemtrails behind them as they're falling. >> Yeah, they're Yeah, they're dumping [ __ ] DEET and all these chemicals out of the plane door. >> Making them work. >> Patrick Swayze's the CEO. >> Yeah, skydive over this guy's house in the suburbs. >> Go up and >> Spray him with the lawn through [laughter] the with a wing suit on. >> [gasps] >> I would be I would want to be on [ __ ] If all I had was a hoverboard, I'd I would I would want to be on Delta Force, too. That would [ __ ] rule. >> They get like sick ass crotch rockets. Break into people's houses and [laughter] kill all the bugs. What about no bugs ever in the world? There's bugs in the ocean. >> [snorts and laughter] >> At the end, he's got the [ __ ] D-thing laying on the ground. >> [laughter] >> Spraying it. >> Up in the >> [gasps] >> There's one last bug left on the planet, and he can't do it. >> [laughter] >> That's That's >> call that movie Come on, let's think Let's bring this home. Point break deep. >> [laughter] >> So funny. >> Yeah. >> Can't No. B Biano B-eaves. >> [snorts] >> Oh, hey, check this out. Someone sent this right before this this episode started. This little guy. Isn't that great? >> That's awesome. I love his hair. It looks looks good. I just got a haircut. I wish I hadn't now. >> Yeah. >> That's cool. Can I have that? >> Yeah, dude. I mean, it's yours. It's your head. Hey, wait, this is This is you at the wedding like looking around to make sure you didn't have [ __ ] [ __ ] flying up your back. Anybody else smell that? What the hell? >> I did smell a fart at one point, dude. That's probably probably Cash 20 rows up. >> I feel like his has have such a signature that you wouldn't You would know if it's one of his. >> I know. Yeah, it's not it's not >> You smell for 1 second you go that's not Cash. That's not his his pheromone scent. >> I wish I I got to find out what my uncle Larry had that was causing him He's my great uncle. And yeah, he would he would be like clear out and everyone would have to leave the room. >> if someone has to do like a bomb voyage thing like everyone Run! You look over THE CANARY'S DEAD. OH [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> EVERYBODY RUN! [screaming] YEAH. >> SITTING right next to him. [laughter] >> Was it the guys >> Okay, he's behind him. >> Was it the miners would do they would like open their mouth and cover their ears like your lungs are going to collapse. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. Uh what I swear to God there's a link between I'm going to look look this up. Gut biome and Alzheimer's or something like there's there's definite links between what's going on in your stomach and the bacteria you have in like Yeah, there's the gut microbiome is connected to Alzheimer's disease through the microbiota gut brain axis. That sounds [ __ ] like a lie. >> My butt's connected to my brain? >> axis linking gut bacteria imbalance chronic inflammation and brain plaque build up. You can get plaque in your brain? What? >> [clears throat] >> These studies were outlined by the National Institute on aging. They show that communication pathways between the digestive tract and the central nervous system significantly influence neurological health. Dude, if that's if his [ __ ] smell is any indicator of his brain Cash might be just full-blown [ __ ] >> This is honestly adding up a little. >> Yeah. Uh it's inflammation and migrating pathogens are linked to increased clumping of amyloid beta proteins in the brain. >> His brain >> amyloid beta proteins >> His brain is [ __ ] like all hard and cracking and >> gray >> Yeah, gray. [laughter] Yeah. Uh, you know what? And you said he he eats like the gas station hot dogs all the time. Um have you heard those called wizard fingers before? That's such an awesome name for like those dried out >> It's really cool. >> Yeah, dried out little um hot dogs. I think there was like a link between >> hot dog hot dog >> Gas station hot dog good for you? >> impact or something. No, there was like some study about like a one hot dog a week can significantly [ __ ] up your overall health, just one. Yeah. Frequent hot dog consumption negative negatively impacts your health, increasing the risk of colorectal cancer. >> Well, Joey Chestnut's still kicking. >> heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Yeah. >> Yeah. I really should have got a blood panel when I went to the doctor. >> I I do like how you you were talking about going to the doctor for so long, you go there and just kind of give him a high five and walk out and then pay for it. >> chit-chatted for a little bit. >> Yeah. >> It's good to get some chit-chatting done. >> Did I tell you last time that what we talked about doctor stuff? There's no way I didn't say this. My mom used to take all those supplements to hide her >> Yeah. >> her liver function. >> Trick the doctor. >> Yeah, trick them. I'm like, what This person doesn't They actually don't give a [ __ ] They're You pay them to help you. Like, why If you go in and be like, I took a bunch of [ __ ] that killed my my liver, they'd be like, "Whatever." Like, here's your results. This is what you do to make it better. Don't do that anymore. >> Maybe wearing shoe lifts when I stand on the thing to get my height measured. >> Yeah. >> Pumping a bunch of helium in my [ __ ] so I'm lighter on the scale. I got to make the doctor happy. >> [laughter] >> Doctor doesn't [ __ ] care, dude. They don't care. They'll just tell you what to do to make yourself better. But >> Also, is it weird to you when you see a doctor and they're like fat? >> Not >> Normally aren't, but it's like >> I don't want to say fat, but I do want to say Um it's weird to see a doctor outside of the doctor's office. And my doctor is a younger guy and he's he's very cool. But he has that professional restraint to him. And my brother worked for a while at a motorcycle shop. And that also did um They also did like those uh side-by-side like I don't want to say like utility vehicles like uh These were more like I'm going to go trail riding and it seats two people. It's like a basically like a four-wheeler with a roll cage and stuff on top. I forget what they're called. Um He They would sell those and also do maintenance on them. And uh one time he got a job to come pick one up from my doctor. And he's like He was just out there in the front yard with cargo shorts on drinking beer. And he was just like, "Oh, you're going to pick up my side-by-side?" Yeah, what's up? And like dapped him up and everything. And my brother's like, "You're my doctor. Like you They should have sent somebody else. >> be better. >> Yeah, it's weird seeing your doctor with [ __ ] jorts on and some [ __ ] sandals and drinking beer. It's just odd. >> That's not right. >> Yeah, that's not right. >> I ran into my high school teachers once at a bar and they were just hammered. >> [laughter] >> That's awesome. >> You're supposed to be better than this. They did have enough. I was like, "Do you want me to buy you a beer?" And they're like, "That's so weird. No." [laughter] All right, well, I tried. >> [gasps] >> You guys want to hang [laughter] out? No. >> No. Go away. >> I think it was sobering for me to come up to them and be like, "Oh my god, a group of my teachers." We shouldn't be here. >> to do a bump in the bathroom? No, you guys are [ __ ] lame. >> [laughter] >> Smoke the cigarette. >> [gasps] >> Uh no, I've I've never ran into like a teacher outside of that except for I saw one at that worked at Publix. And she worked in like the deli department when she wasn't uh during summer. And um and I was like, "Oh, cool, my teacher." And she was like, "I remember you." And I was like, "There's no [ __ ] way." And then she said my name and I was like, "Oh my god, you do remember me." And that was only like 5 years ago. So, that would have to be 20 Like she was like the PE coach the PE teacher in elementary school for me. Like this is [clears throat] that was like somebody she remembered from like 20 years ago. That's crazy. >> They They'll shock you. I still run into them and I don't I mean, I saw people >> 25 years ago. >> this weekend that I went to school with and like, "Hey, how are you doing?" And they had no idea who I was, but teachers, they're better. I I had like my first grade teacher I ran into her. She's old. >> Yeah. >> And she knew who I was. My How do you know what I look like from when I was 10? >> Yeah. >> I must have been a pretty good student, I guess. >> What What's crazy, too, is when you're in elementary school, teachers are just like adults. Adults is just like this monolith of age where you're like you're an adult, you're all old. And then now my kids go to to school, and so going to like orientation and stuff at their their elementary school. I'm talking to their teachers. Madeleine's [ __ ] teacher is younger than me by like a decade. And I'm like, who's this little whippersnapper trying to teach my kid? >> Let me teach you something. >> Yeah, let me teach you something, you little dumb ass. And like a lot of the people are just yeah, they're just like our age. Our age my age. And I'm like it just seems odd to to see someone in a position of of authority like that when I consider myself like but a child. Mentally. >> I am but a boy. >> I am but a real boy. >> Spitting a loogie. >> That's gross. >> That's gross. Hey, do you do you want to talk about a video game? A little segue to a video game? >> If it's natural. >> It's dude, this thing's going to be fluid. It's going to be natural. You're not even going to know that the conversational transition even happened. It's a game called >> Did it start uh >> Yeah, uh hold on, I'm about to get into it. Once there's a nice natural place for me to just slip right in there where it doesn't interrupt or [ __ ] with the flow of the conversation I think is the most important part. That the conversation keeps flowing. Um there's a game called The Mound: Omen of Cthulhu. Have you seen that game? >> I just had two of my friends yesterday in Discord go, "Oh, I got the notification my game refunded." And I said, "What game?" And they said, "The Mound." >> That is exactly what I was going to talk about, yeah. >> Oh, okay. That's all I really know about it is that two people found it deserving of a refund. >> That that's very that's good. That's good cuz that's basically the where this conversation's going is that a lot of people are being tricked right now from the it's it's streamer slop. It's streamer slop, 100%. >> Oh, I'm a streamer sometimes. >> And if you is so like you will get tricked if you go on to like Tik Tok or something and you see these clips of like oh my god that looks so great. It's visually like such an impressive and immersive looking Yeah, it has great atmosphere. There are mechanics to it that are cool like your guy loses his mind um a little bit and so like your teammates >> Like Green Hell or something? >> Yeah, sort of like that. Uh imagine like Green Hell but it's like an extraction shooter almost. And so you go in and you're supposed to like or like lethal company you're supposed to go in and get stuff and then bring it back. The I guess the idea is like you're Spanish explorers in like the 1600s maybe 1500s and you're going to these like islands in the Caribbean maybe and and they have on the islands is like weird tribal Cthulhu like a weird [ __ ] there and there's like artifacts and stuff. I think what it's trying to say is that the Spanish during that time were so [ __ ] greedy they would even steal from a god. And they were like I don't care if this guy has all the [ __ ] power in the world and he's an interdimensional being steal his [ __ ] Steal all of his [ __ ] And so you go in there and take his [laughter] [ __ ] gold. >> And so you go on to these places and there's zombies walking around and stuff and the conquistadors are like but there's artifacts that I can sell for money. And uh and you go in there and take them and there's like worm monsters and stuff and it I think it's one of those games where they have perfected the you can play it your friends are ahead of the curve on this one. You can play it for two hours and still have the idea that it's a good game. And then they're like this is perfect. I've milked two hours out of them and then it starts to set in that this game is not a good game. >> Right. >> And usually games are the other way around where they go, "We're going to get a great uh gameplay loop where you go and do a thing." Like if you've ever seen the making of like Left 4 Dead, where that game was basically I think the the skin was like Counter-Strike, and they had What the hell's happening to my computer? My Windows just crashed. And now it's back. Okay. As long as this As long as you still see me, I'm going to keep going. >> Feels natural. >> Awesome. Uh But like >> Flip right back in. >> Yeah. >> Oh, sweet. >> Left 4 Dead was like they had that the whole loop >> or something. >> Like figured out, and then they're like, "Okay, now let's skin it to look like a zombie game." This game was like, "Let's make the most beautiful rainforest in like the the waiting the ship that you little pirate ship you're on for the lobby is one of the most meticulously detailed things I've ever seen in a game. It looks great. I could spend all the time in the world just walking around the the ship and examining everything. It's uh it's really beautiful. And And then you get in the game, and you're like, "This [ __ ] game." Like that What you're actually doing sucks so much dick that I I wish I could refund it, but I have >> Let me look here. Let me look at my library. >> 5 hours. >> It's too many Too many hours is the annoying part. Yeah. >> Isn't it four? >> Yeah, it's a four-person game. >> No, 4 hours is what you have to refund. >> I have 10.8 hours, and I think I've spent about six of those hours going, "This game is like kind of shit." And I think when I was initially playing it, too, it had like very positive reviews. Now it's down to >> mixed. >> Mixed. 69% of people say that it sucks. Or no, 69 say it's good. Um That game [ __ ] reeks, dude. It's just I've never seen a game where they go, "Hey, at the beginning here's a halberd, here's a crossbow, here's some bandages, some rations, and you can take those things, and as you complete missions, they give you like a little bit of coins." Like they'll give you like 15, 20 coins. And when you get your halberd, you can go over to an anvil and upgrade it and turn it into like a nicer halberd. Or turn it into like a poleaxe that's nicer or something. And then if you go out and die, you lose it, right? It's gone. >> Yeah. >> But if you go through the entire mission and you complete it, you get back into the boat and go back to the main pirate ship, you still [ __ ] lose it. They don't give it to you. You just They're just like, "Nah, [ __ ] you." Like you don't get to keep anything that you go out and get anyway. >> read the review, but I saw one that said like these people have made a miscalculation of risk versus reward. >> Yeah, there's like no reason to really even Yeah, kind of risk anything. Like there There's no reason to like go get something out of a chest if there's like enemies nearby. >> like or does it just reset every >> There is There's progression. The only thing that's kept it going This has been a This has been a huge fight, okay, with my friends. is I I'm playing with uh Willard, I'm playing with Dugo, and I'm playing with Bizzle. And I'm feeling like the captain of a pirate ship right now because there is a mutiny boiling beneath the surface where 3 days ago I would They were like uh They were like saying this game [ __ ] sucks. Can we please go play something else? And I said, "But it says right there, if we go to this location and we get the logbook from the fort and we bring it back to the pirate ship, it will open up different parts of the map and slowly as we unlock places we're getting closer to the mound. And I'm like, I just >> mound. >> have to see what the [ __ ] it is. I just I'm just so curious. What is it? >> How big is it? >> Yeah. I want to see the mound. >> Hill-sized? >> And um last night was they they were getting rowdy. They were like, "I'M DONE. SAM, I'M [ __ ] DONE. I'M NOT GETTING ON IT ANYMORE." AND I WAS LIKE, "COME ON. We're so close." We the last last night we got to the mound. We saw the mound. We got the logbook, which helps you progress and actually like move forward, and we died on our way back to the ship. And I talked to Willard this morning and he was just like, "No. After you went to bed, we all talked. We convened." I was like, "Listen here, you don't [ __ ] talk to each other about the mound when I'm not around cuz you guys get real uppity about how autonomous your gaming experience is." Okay? >> Do you want to shout out? >> [laughter] >> Or not? >> I don't like you guys thinking you get to choose what you get to play when you sit on your computer, okay? And uh now they basically told me to [ __ ] off and nobody's going to play the game with me anymore. So. Um anyways, if you guys in the audience really like to play games that unravel your friendships and cause strains, uh the Omen Call of Mound of Cthulhu Mound Omen of Cthulhu is the game for you. Yeah. >> See, now here's an example of a smooth segway that slides right into a new topic because it is actually relevant. Is that >> Are you starting the segway right now? >> It's already happened. You didn't even realize it. That's how good it was. >> That was incredibly [snorts] smooth. >> And segway's continuing in three, two, one. Speaking of games that are a pretty piece of [ __ ] that I can't refund cuz I played just too many hours. >> middle of a segue right now and I get I can't even tell. It doesn't even feel like anything. >> Halo campaign revolved or whatever. Um wow. I don't know what I expected buying Halo 1 for the fifth time in my life, but uh socks. >> When is Halo going to get the same treatment that Skyrim gets? Where they go >> Halo >> backlash. >> Haters, I think it's I think Halo Halo's corpse has been dragged around since Halo 3. Well, not since Halo 4, maybe let's say. And uh it's like embarrassing to be a fan almost. It's uh I was playing with Z Chum and this guy's like Autismo Prime about Halo and is like saying the lines before they happen. And if they change the line, he's like, "Oh my god, the line's wrong." Which I can respect, you know, I played a lot of Halo 1, but I think him and I had very different play styles. Cuz he's like, "Did you know there's a little glitch you can do here?" Okay, dude, I don't do glitches. >> Yeah. >> Cortana tells me I need to hurry, I'm going to hurry. Like I'm going to run right through the mission as fast as I can, get to the next one. >> listen to Cortana. That's sickening, dude. >> Barely. They did make Cortana hot, I will say that, and that was good. But I went into it like already before I launched it like, "What am I going to get out of this?" >> that she wasn't hot to begin with? >> No, I'm saying I feel like they've made a couple Halos since then where she's not as hot, maybe. >> But those were those were during the the 2018s when it wasn't cool for to be attractive anymore. >> Yeah, dude. Let me tell you what >> the new new Cortana's got huge tits and they're out. >> Why is she blue? >> Yeah, they said >> [laughter] >> She should be white. They made Cortana blue. I never played the originals, but I'm assuming they did that now. And I can't I can't be okay with that. >> Yeah. >> And they give the the Covenant have got sad backstories. What kind of a things a power reference for anyone eagle-eyed viewers. Um but it was like right before I started I'm like Sitchum, what am I what are we hoping to get because I'm like an old head about this stuff and when I played the remaster I played in the original graphics because what's doing most of the heavy lifting is nostalgia, you know. It's not It's probably not as fun as I remember, but I have such good memories linked to, you know, divorce dad. Us just playing Halo all the goddamn time is so fun. >> Yeah. >> And already with the new graphics and the sprint button and all that stuff I was I was kind of being like an old man yelling at the clouds where I'm like, "This isn't Halo." >> SLOW DOWN. WHY ARE YOU RUNNING EVERYWHERE? >> speed racer >> [laughter] >> But I still, you know, I didn't mind it. >> Yeah. >> One of the bigger lures of this one is it's like oh, there's three new prequel missions. Never seen before. And you're doing it with Captain Johnson and he's got this like gun that's been, you know, hinted at in the books or whatever, but you never see it in the games and they don't I thought it would be like player two plays Arbiter. I thought player two would be Captain Johnson with this sick ass gun. You can't even use it. You just get to see him use it. And they added God, I am an old I've I am an old [ __ ] about this. This shit's real to me. They added skins to it where they're like not subtle different Spartan armors. It's like Master Chief but he's got Hunter [snorts] worms as his belly or Master Chief with Needler crystals all over his entire body. >> Okay. >> Or Master Chief is a mech and his head is this big. And I all right off the bat I'm like, okay, this is kind of kind of ridiculous. >> Master Chief John Wick. And it's >> the prequel missions Master Chief is yapping like crazy. He talks more in the first 10 minutes of the prequel mission than he does the entire first game. >> people are supposed to just like lore dump on you and then he's supposed to be like Yeah, but the Covenant are gay and then walk out. He's just supposed to say like >> Cortana's white. >> [laughter] >> She's a real woman to me. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> Um but it was just like Marvel quippy. I watch the Marvel movies. I'm going to see I'm going to see the new Spider-Man next week. And it was just like It I told him at a point on the stream I'm like, this game might make me sexist or something because there's an ODST marine woman no helmet and she is like giving these lines about like Spartans aren't the only badasses in the in the in the military. I'm like, you would would you say that to this 7-ft tall [ __ ] beast, dude? He'd rip your head off. And they have a couple I'm sure maybe you've seen them like posed moments where the cut scene will be like like there's a prophet. It's like the prophet of harmony or something and he's just got like an elite, a grunt, a jackal, a brute and they're all lined up and he's explaining to Master Chief like the silliness of the grunt, the wiseness of the jackal. You know, cat like Tom. And it just feels [ __ ] ridiculous and I didn't feel a single emotion. And then we get into the main, you know, finally beat those get into the main game. >> If I could interject for a second, if I could segue really quick into what you were just previously talking about. There's a moment where they where the prophet lines up all the covenant and he's like, "This is your rogues gallery of enemies that you will be fighting." >> Yes. >> Is that in the original game? >> No, it's in the goddamn prequel missions that this 343 added. >> would they put that in there? >> I don't know. Look at this screenshot. I just said it. >> ultimate struggle. These are your combatants. >> I am pissed because if you see the screenshot, I took this while I was playing. And then I've seen it on Twitter. People be like, "They put a [ __ ] woman in this game and she sucks." And I'm like, I'm just like these guys right now. But look at this you walk in and they're called Tiger Squad. Respect. Cool name. And they have like a sacrifice that's like timeline-wise like the same time as all the people die in Halo Reach. And the game's wanting you to feel like Tiger Squad sacrificed himself. You don't know who these [ __ ] people are. You don't give a [ __ ] about them. >> Yeah. >> And you know, you rejoice when they die. And in the actual game I was just playing I'm like, I don't even know if I like Halo. I My whole life might be a lie of like This is supposed to be the most nostalgic game to me. Up there with like MW2. >> Yeah. >> And I don't even know if I [ __ ] with it. Cuz it was just boring. And the game sucks. And then I felt something just a couple times. There's a weird like they use some of the original lines from Halo 1. You're like, "Oh, cool." And then they'll throw in a new line, or they'll throw in a new cutscene. And I just felt like an old [ __ ] complaining the whole time. >> Yeah, you're like when >> Which I was. But it was like It's cuz I care. >> Yeah. >> And I feel like Halo is as a franchise it's dead. And I feel like it sucks ass. And I don't know how they [ __ ] up such a lead in FPS shooters and how much momentum they had in the early 2000s. And it just they [ __ ] suck. >> I I do really I saw someone draw a comparison once between Halo and how they've handled further games and then how Doom has handled further games. And like Doom brought it back to basics, where they're just like, >> "Let's not complicate this [ __ ] with like all this backstory and all this Let's just [ __ ] it. Let's just get back to I'm going to murder demons at a massive level. >> Yeah. >> And the more that you I mean, I love Halo and Halo 2 and Halo 3. Halo 3 I think was like one of the most played Halo games for me. But even with like Halo 3, it was just getting a lot of like I didn't really give a [ __ ] about any of like the Arbiter [ __ ] and like the politics behind it. And I really >> I'm going to have to dial it back a little bit. >> just the Master Chief view of it, where it's like I remember playing Halo 1 and going like, "Are we on a ring?" Like you would see, you know, the Halo go up and just kind of wondering. And then like the longer it went, it kept going. They were like, "It's a weapon." And then like at the end of one of the Halos, they're like, "We've made another one." And I'm like, It kind of felt like when they destroyed the the Death Star and then they're like, "Look, we built a second one." I'm like, "What a [ __ ] cop out." Like >> That's why Halo 4 when it was like, "The Forerunners are the ones doing all I'm like, "I don't give a shit." >> Yeah, like it >> It's the first Halo I didn't beat. >> kept adding more and more lore. I And And this this one's going to get me possibly and yeah, this is going to be careful, but I feel the same way about the Souls games a lot. I learned so much about the lore of Dark Souls 1 and then Dark Souls 2 and Dark Souls 3 like it was it felt like I get that it's all the same world, but it's like over different eons and like eras and there's so many different thing and like so much depth to it. I was just like, "I don't [ __ ] care anymore." >> [laughter] >> I don't give a [ __ ] honestly at this point. And uh there is a little bit of maybe there's a little bit too much going on in some of these things. It needs to be kind of like pulled back and grounded. Uh I don't need to get a huge exposition dump every [ __ ] 2 seconds. >> Or if you do pair it with some really cool music. >> Music then >> Maybe Chief at the end could be like I don't care. >> The in the middle of a cut scene there should be the ability for you to go like if you're tired of listening to this guy Master Chief just tears his head off right now. >> Yeah. >> this button to tear his head off. >> That's how they could bring it back to the basics where you get to pick the voice on >> [laughter] >> that Chief does. And maybe you could level up and get new gear. >> [laughter] [gasps] >> I do like that they added the the skins for Chief though with the >> They didn't even add multiplayer. >> the >> It doesn't even have multiplayer. >> the campaign? >> Yes, I spent $70 on it. >> Dang, dude. >> And it's just the Halo 1 campaign with three new prequel missions that make you hate Halo. >> I'm actually more offended at that and I haven't even played it than I am at the mound omen of Cthulhu, my favorite game that my friends won't play with me. >> Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think I might have just found your new crew. Um me just text Devon Z. Sham and I, "Hey, Devon and I are playing mound today. You guys [laughter] are welcome to join." >> Oh, I love the mound. Yeah. >> Devon replied, "I'm in New Jersey." And then me sent [laughter] middle finger emoji, "Way to play along." "I was using them I was using you to FOMO them into playing with me." But I can now I'll say Sam Sam will play with you. >> Sam's a huge fan. >> likes the mound. >> You know what's crazy is like he wouldn't even have an enjoyable experience with me cuz I the whole time I'm playing, I'm just as pissed as my friends, but I just have like a I just have to know >> he loves it. >> I just have to know what's at the end. So the whole time I'm playing, I'm just like stupid [ __ ] game. Do you Do you remember playing Tarkov and they did that update where when you would walk through a bush, it would just slow you down to like a crawl? >> I know. Yeah. >> Every leaf that even touches your screen, keep in mind in the mound you're in a [ __ ] rainforest. Every time you even get close to a branch, a leaf, anything, it slows you down to a crawl. And so if something's chasing you, your guy's just like >> [screaming] >> and you can't move and any stick you break like I think the the premise is once you get there, you don't want to wake the forest. Like the I guess the the island you're on knows that you're around. And if you make too much noise, like if you put on armor and go sprinting, you make rattling noises. And I guess the the island is like a you know, the tower of Sauron or something and it kind of like it looks at you and goes like, "Oh, send more [ __ ] at him right there." And uh and so if you like bump into branches and stuff, you can break them. And then when you break them, it does like a little audio cue like you've you've woken the forest a little bit. And so you don't want to go in just guns blazing, but I'm [ __ ] I'm so [ __ ] sick and tired of that game, but I got to know what's in the mound. >> What? [clears throat] Do you think it's Cthulhu? See it the >> going to be some Lovecraftian [ __ ] once you get in there. I don't know. >> Lovecraftian, it's like it's so crazy. I heard people got pissed last time we talked about Lovecraftian. I'm like, I don't like it. It's just like, "Oh, it's so crazy. I can't even comprehend it. Try me." And then people are like, "It's like an ant imagining a computer. You don't understand." >> I think I mentioned this last time. The great the great [ __ ] like like the the the version of Master Chief in Lovecraftian horror would just be like a like Forest Gump. Like someone that's just kind of stupid as hell where they're like, "I don't even care." Like they if the lack of comprehension is what is the horrific part where it's like, "This is I can't even comprehend it. Therefore, I'm like losing my mind." What if you just have someone so [ __ ] dumb that they're like, "I don't even care to even start." >> Yeah. >> It's so what? It's a >> Show me something from another dimension. >> with tentacles. [ __ ] you. Like I don't care. >> I think that's the funniest rage [laughter] bait. Like Lovecraft fans are like, "Oh, you can't understand a guy with tentacles for a face?" >> [laughter] >> It's actually pretty simple. Ever seen Davy Jones? >> Have you ever considered what if like the person that's trying to comprehend doesn't even want to even start? Doesn't that unravel the entire horror of the situation? >> a 2D Mario going into a 3D world and trying to understand it. Okay, I'd be like, "All right, things just [laughter] got interesting." >> [gasps] >> I I see a new way. Show me 4D. [laughter] Watch what happens. >> [gasps] >> Slip right through space. >> [laughter] >> Oh, a wormhole. Okay, I call this Tuesday. >> [laughter] >> I'll be big tent- tentacle monster. >> No, you just see like your view of Cthulhu is just like you're seeing the source code like Neo. Like you're just seeing the green text. >> Everything's [clears throat] ones and zeros. >> Whatever. >> [laughter] >> Everything can be boiled down to computers. I was an engineer. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> What was that? Lovecraftian when Neo saw everything in ones and zeros? >> know. >> If he didn't have a computer background? Like, "Oh my god, ones What is that? Ones? Zeros, too?" >> [gasps] >> It's raining numbers. >> Dude, me and Visal had the funniest [ __ ] bit when we were playing that Kinsey game and it was it was about the Matrix. It was a Do you remember that scene in in the third Matrix? I believe No, it's the second Matrix where there's that guy that he serves that lady that cake and the cake is like a a script that makes her orgasm. Do you remember that? >> He's the like >> the Merovingian? >> His wife. >> And is she Monica Bellucci? Sorry, who is she? She's like >> just a random lady, but Monica Bellucci is the Merovingian's girlfriend. >> Okay. That rings a bell. He's like a slimy guy. >> Yeah. And he like he basically like the Matrix equivalent of roofies this lady. Like he gives her a a piece of cake that makes her like >> what roofies do. >> Yeah, but like a sleazeball in the real world would use a pill to incapacitate a woman. If you're in the Matrix and you have the source code, you could give a woman a piece of cake that makes her really horny and orgasm at her table. And then he goes and bangs her. They imply that he bangs her later. Um which is what Monica Bellucci, that's why she turns on him and helps Neo is cuz she's like, you bang that lady you fed the orgasm cake to. Um Anyways, we we're talking like uh you know Cypher, we've talked about Cypher so much and his betrayal. And he has that classic scene where he's talking with Agent Smith and he's like or agent whatever the agent's name is. Um and he's like, I want I want to be like a celebrity or someone important and I want you know, I want to be rich and I want to be respected and everything. He's like laying down the terms of him getting reintroduced to the matrix if he betrays Neo. And we were like, what if instead of all that he was like, I want every piece of food I eat in the matrix to be that orgasm cake. If you if that's a something that they can do. >> when he eats that steak. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> He's like, oh. >> No, instead of the steak it's just that cake. He's like, if I put this anything I put in my mouth, it better make me [ __ ] shoot in my pants immediately. That those are my conditions. I don't care what it is. For the rest of my life, if I eat food, I'm shooting in my pants immediately afterwards. And um and then I just imagine the agent would be like, we're not letting you back in the matrix, dude. >> [laughter] >> Get the [ __ ] out of here. He'd probably just twist his head backwards at that point, but >> I guess you had to be there. >> [laughter] >> I think it's the worst thing you can [laughter] say to somebody after I do that to my friends all the time. It's the worst thing you can hear. Um but yeah, I could have used a little Morpheus, but >> It could have, yeah. I don't know what Morpheus would have done in that scenario, but >> [laughter] >> Ah, okay, kind of. >> And then Morpheus answers [laughter] the phone. I'd like to know order a cake. >> It's kind of like Palworld, you feed your pals cakes for them to breed. >> I have not played Palworld yet. It's >> Yeah, I talked about it a lot last episode. I'm done now. >> Oh, you're done on it? I feel like you had a a similar situation where you had set up a server and then nobody showed up. Sad. >> And you know what the worst part is? One of the guys that was there when I He was one of the people that was like, "You can just buy a server." He started playing with it one of our other friends. And they're not using that server. And I paid for 16 player server. And uh we've maxed it out at three. >> the choir, dude. You're preaching to the choir here. I paid for a big server. My own friends went and played Palworld on their own thing. >> It's just how it goes. Overwatch, you said it earlier, Overwatch is back in a big way, I guess. Everyone's playing Overwatch again. >> playing that [ __ ] Not happening. Not happening. >> I did play a little yesterday. >> Not happening. >> It's kind of fun. >> It's uh I'm done with hero shooters. I think I'm just writing that entire entire genre off. I'm I'm done with it. I'm done with League. I did I had like a relapse. >> What? >> I had a relapse earlier. Remember when I was like >> Nobody's ever really done with League. >> I I was done and then I and then I had like an episode where I was like I reinstalled it and let me tell you something. I got on the rift and I felt it was like getting like a little dose of heroin again. >> Mhm. >> It was like we won. And I was I was cracked. I was cracked. I was easily [ __ ] silver three or something like which is incredible for me. [laughter] And uh and I was playing amongst bronzes. And and then I think I I got back on I had one bad game and I was just like never again. And I uninstalled Vanguard. And then and then here's how I knew I was done for real was that somebody told me like a week or two ago. They were like, "Hey, by the way, they're doing a big update so that Vanguard you don't have to restart your computer to turn it back on. You'll just be able to turn on Vanguard and it won't be like you know how like if you turn it off you have to >> Yeah. Yeah, in order for it >> Yeah. >> And I felt nothing when he said that. I was like, "I don't [ __ ] give a shit." I don't even care if they make it easier to play. I'm not going to do it. >> I I'll eat a sock. I really want been wanting to eat a sock lately. Probably I'll eat a sock. No. I can almost guarantee that you are not done with League forever. It will be a while, sure. A year two but people come crawling back in mysterious ways. I mean, I I I was the first guy to ever beat it in my friend group. At the end of high school I was like there's got to be other games. We all built computers. There's got to be something else. They still play it every day. I left. >> the smallness in >> in which you said that I'm going to come back. And so now I'm >> No, I'm not. I'm simply You you have no idea the resolve you just put inside of me cuz like the words I say >> classic League back. You're not even going to notice. >> Even two minutes ago you were like like the words I was saying were so empty. Like of course I was going to come back at some point. But now that you said like I predict like it's going to happen. You're going to come back. And you said it in such a you were so confident. I'm Now I'm putting my foot down like, "Oh, you [ __ ] know what I'm going to do? [ __ ] you. I'm not going to ever play that game ever again." I'm not even going to look at it. >> never give me a million dollars. >> You think so? >> [laughter] >> I'll eat a sock. No, two of them. A long one, too. >> I'm going to show up when I'm like 78 and I have my million dollars. I'll put it on a big [ __ ] cardboard check. >> You're going to have to wait till I die to play League again. No, I'll be checking your match history. >> [laughter] >> I'll play I'll play it at your funeral, dude, on a laptop. >> I've just heard that so many times from so many different people where they're like, "This game [ __ ] sucks." >> I'm going to >> Yeah, but I'm not >> spending another dollar, another hour, another minute. And then like 4 months later they're like, "Do we got five?" >> Yeah, but those those were NPCs that said that [ __ ] I'm the [ __ ] real deal, dude. I'm not going to get I'm not going to get back >> NPCs. I am not going to get I want to say something about that wedding, but I'm scared that >> it'll get back to the NPCs that were there. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> To a Somebody was referred to as an NPC that would felt very inappropriate to refer to somebody as that. Something happened. Also speaking of non-NPCs, um, real people, you know pissed I was when I saw some of these people I haven't seen since high school and I'm like God, you know, what what kind of what kind of lives have they lived since then? I hope they're doing all right. Mogged the [ __ ] out of me. This one guy in particular, he pheno-mogged me. I coined that unless somebody already has. But he looked like everything I'm not, but similar. >> Oh. >> He was tanner. He had a better middle part, better mustache. His slightly taller >> His pants were not full of diarrhea. >> He didn't stink at all. I >> [laughter] >> I hugged him. I was like, "What is that smell? It smells so good." I forgot I was >> It was tight. It was dry. >> He's known for having a big dick, >> Mhm. >> so I was really hoping that something went wrong. I might go for anything. >> [laughter] >> Carry on. >> Microaggressions, yes. And um I just Solomon was like Are you [ __ ] kidding me? The guy with the biggest dick ever is now super handsome, even more handsome than before. >> Yeah. >> And uh it just it just [ __ ] pissed me off. But I love seeing my friends do well. >> [laughter] >> He's like a like a scientist or something, too. I'm like, "Scientists don't look like that." >> [laughter] >> He's like, "We're going to body slam this guy." >> brain and [ __ ] too? >> [ __ ] HE'S SMART AS HELL. >> YEAH. Who Who was the guy when we were me, you, and Cash went to go eat lunch, and then there was you're like, "Oh, look, it's you called him like the golden god." And I like looked over, and there's just a guy that is like blond Henry Cavill like running down the sidewalk, completely jacked. >> the he's the golden god. Yeah, that that's another guy that pisses me off because it's like you want you want your friends to do well. Cuz he was nice to me in high school, and uh he used to have a cat. >> kind of piss you off when someone is been gifted every advantage in terms of aesthetics and brain capability, and their personality is nice? >> I have He's I have got to see his penis because he he had rich parents. They were like college educated. He went to He's a doctor. He's like super handsome, really good at sports, and incredibly smart. And I'm like you can't have all You can't have it all. >> Yeah. >> There has to be something bad. Or else you How have you developed >> they say eugenics are unethical, and then all these rich people are just banging supermodels and having other rich, smart people with every advantage in life, and we have to live amongst them, you know? I wish my parents had done eugenics. My [ __ ] ugly dumb mom had sex with my ugly ass dumb dad [laughter] and then here I am. I want my I want my parents to be [ __ ] smoking hot smart people, too. >> You know what's worse? >> And rich. >> When they were good looking and then you and then and they pop out an abomination. Makes you different. >> rare. >> It's just unlucky. >> Yeah. Actually, I do remember that awesome >> got a really big dick. And you're like, what the hell? >> I do remember that awesome picture of your mom and your brother where your brother looks like a [ __ ] like a >> [laughter] >> Abercrombie & Fitch model and then it's it's a picture of you and your mom. >> Yeah. And you can tell she [laughter] loves me less for it. >> face. She went from being like beaming next to your brother to she looked like she was in American Gothic, that painting. >> Yeah. >> The lady and her husband. >> I remember she asked, "Like, you're not going to post this on Facebook, [laughter] right?" Don't tag me. >> [gasps] >> Okay, one with the little beastie. [laughter] Come on. Yeah. [laughter] They uh >> Yeah. The There's >> They don't love me. >> Was there a picture of you and your brother together from that trip cuz it probably would have It would have looked like Leonidas taking a picture with that hunchback. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, they just they didn't take many pictures of me. I'm always like, "Why are there none of me as a kid?" And they're like, >> [laughter] >> The >> wasn't good. >> The film got damaged somehow. We couldn't get them [ __ ] developed. >> [laughter] >> People didn't know about you too much. >> Do you remember when >> when you would go get film developed? Do you remember that? And like >> Oh, I Yeah, I'm I mean my stepdad like had a black room. >> Oh, okay. Well, like when when you would go to like Walgreens or whatever and get it developed, sometimes they would go like we like we made duplicates of some of them and then you know, do you want us to get rid of the bad ones or do you want to just go through? I remember my mom would go through them and just be like, you know, get rid of the shitty ones. That'd be so funny to just watch your mom just pull [clears throat] every one of >> [laughter] >> you out and then throw them away in the little shredder right there. >> Yeah. That would be so fun. That would've been [laughter] good for my self-confidence if they actually treated me like a monster. >> Yeah. >> Uh [laughter] they they were still nice to me. As nice as you could have, you know. >> be to the [ __ ] that lives in your house, yeah. >> Then the guy that's like, "I want to play Halo." Jesus Christ, dude. >> [laughter] >> I was the only Yeah. I don't know Yeah, they Yeah. I hope my kids aren't like that. If I have an ugly kid that's also a nerd, I'm just not going to react well. >> Yeah. >> And statistically, it probably will be. >> Yeah. It's going to happen, dude. You're just going to have to buckle up. It's going to happen. I'm I see it I see it already in my future, dude. I'm I got to go [laughter] going on right now. You kidding me? >> I see I see the signs. >> I see the [ __ ] signs right now. >> Minecraft? >> [laughter] >> This is called a lacrosse stick, okay? >> Fix your Fix your tongue posture. Your [ __ ] jaw's all [ __ ] up. I need to get my >> Watch this, clav head. >> [laughter] >> I I get my kids on those uh What's the peptide that just gives you a [ __ ] load of melanin? Give them that. >> I know you've talked about this before. Give them some of that. You know they have those helmets that like kids that don't get enough tummy time or whatever. They shape their head. >> Yeah. >> I'm going to have my [snorts] kid in the [ __ ] Iron Mask. >> [laughter] >> The Leonard >> Yeah, and you're hoping when they take the mask off he's going to look like Leonardo DiCaprio 1996. >> to the Leo mold. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> I love in that movie they take off the mask and they're just like there's some strands of hair from his hair that's grown and they just like cut it and they're just like, "Oh, you look like a model now." >> Oh, he look exactly like the king. >> [laughter] >> Or prince or whatever. >> Yeah. >> Well, they're twins, right? Isn't that the whole thing? >> so. >> I don't know. I haven't seen it. Is that a Three Musketeers movie? >> I don't know. I just know it's it is uh loosely based off of a real event. >> Okay. >> And there was someone >> the Count of Monte Cris- Cristo or whatever mixed up with that. I don't think they're the same thing. >> think so. But there is a there was a someone that was held in the Bastille. And he had an iron mask on and then nobody his name was stricken from the records and they suspected he was a prince. They don't know. Which is crazy that they would >> have done to me back in the day. >> Yeah, why don't they just cut his [ __ ] head off? I don't know. Cuz they you know, you look at like the the French like they had no scruples about cutting people's heads off. They went through the whole French Revolution and they were annihilating people left and right. >> Yeah. >> All of a sudden like it's more merciful to put this guy in a little metal cage on his head and keep him in the Bastille. >> Like if you didn't want anybody to know about it, why don't you just >> Blow him up or something. >> Give him the Griffith treatment, dude. That's brutal. >> Yeah. Whatever. >> Yeah. I just want him to kill me. >> Yeah, I think I if I was given the option I'd >> Unless >> Unless there was Halo in the prison. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. Unless there was VR in the helmet. >> Yeah, that'd be cool. Do you think there's a future where you know, for just for the sake of like prison capacity or something like that, they they do just kind of like lay you in a in like a little coffin and put like a VR headset on your head. >> Yeah, that'd be pretty Black Mirror. Um >> close to the Matrix. They do like some sort of plugging you in in a different way. >> It depends, I guess it depend probably on how much money the prison can make off of that. If they could like double the people in there. >> No, but if they're using the bodies as how expensive. What if they just give them the >> VR headsets or it's like a holder that you put your phone into? >> You know, actually, you know what they should do is I feel like a lot of the They they usually do put prisoners to work doing something. And they're always like making uh you know, license plates or something like that. And it it can be really monotonous, like sad work working in a prison. But what if they you know, that dream sequence from Breaking Bad where Jesse's he thinks he's woodworking and making a box. And then he like wakes up and he realizes he's making meth in that like the Nazi drug lab. What if we just put like a VR headset on him and we're like, "Look, you're you're baking a cake. You're in a and you got a lovely wife." >> cake. >> Yeah, and there's sun shining through the window. And in reality, they're just making license plates still. And they're in a dark, dark >> Somebody's got to make them. >> Yes. [laughter] >> Machines can't make them. It's impossible. We need these prisoners to make license plates. [laughter] When it by the time I get my new license plate when I get a car one day, I hope it's touched a thousand fingers from prisoners. Killers. >> Yeah. They Yeah, surely they don't make license plates anymore. But they have to do something. They got to do something, right? >> to be doing something. They got to be doing something for us. >> I Well, I feel like it's kind of I think it's [ __ ] up to just what? Have me pay for the prisoners to just sit there and do gang activities in a in a concrete building? Nah, put them to work. They should They should be I think the prison >> what we need anymore. >> should be a box with wheels and then the prison itself moves like a mortal engine and it goes as it travels down the street >> talking >> have to like scrub the street or whatever but they can't leave the box. The box just moves and it's like >> But they can like reach their arms out and grab you if you get too close. >> too close to it. Yeah, they they'll do some grinding. Yeah, that's on you. You don't get too close to the moving prison. Um, but that was there >> Oh, [ __ ] Prison engine coming through. >> THE PRISON'S COMING TO TOWN. You know, but after they leave they've done all their duty and everything and they've cleaned up everything that the prison goes over. I guess it would be a lot like when people take goats and they put them out in the field and then they move them to a different part of the field and then, you know, to kind of clean up the field. You would You would >> How can we make a prison worse than it already is? >> No, the I think the reason >> throw stuff at them, too, while they're in in the >> The reason why prisons are so bad now is cuz they're they're idly just sitting there in those cages. Of course they're going to get up to no good. They're a bunch of criminals you put in there to twiddle their thumbs. But if you give them lots of kudzu to eat and lots of streets to sweep and clean as the prison roams around the country then all of a sudden >> inside? >> even have time to be a part of a gang. It's like, dude, I have >> Yeah. >> They're not going to move this prison again until I eat 150 lbs of kudzu. Of course I don't have time to join the Aryan Nation. >> So much kudzu in the South that we [laughter] have to go get. >> It's starting to I wish a prison would roll in right now, dude. It's starting to eat my backyard, okay? It's taking over. And uh I don't know. I'm just I'm just thinking outside the box. >> too, if they did like wares. Cuz we've talked about traveling the death of the traveling merchant. >> Mhm. >> So you go, here comes to Go over there, buy a I don't know, license plate or whatever the hell they make, a broom or something and >> I mean, people go crazy for Amish-made goods. What about prisoner-made goods? You know? >> Why do I give the give a [ __ ] that an Amish person made this? >> Yeah. That money's not coming back into my economy, okay? >> It's not circulating. >> circulating. They're just going to spend it on more [ __ ] 2 by 4's for their stupid barns, and that's it. Whatever else they buy. >> Hand saws. >> Yeah. More floor-length dresses for their ladies. >> They seem to make a lot of baked goods, too. >> love straw hats. But a baked good from a prisoner, there could be a file in there. It could It's like a completely different genre of goods they could be making, you know? You get a Oh, I want to buy a toothbrush from the prisoner. One end is a knife, the other end is a toothbrush. They're good at multi-faceted products. >> You said this wine was made in a toilet? >> That's interesting. Okay, that's good. >> What year? >> And it's a solvent, too? It's like Yeah, I just I think they're really good at making like multi-use things, which is I think pretty cool. >> Yeah. >> I think we should just zap them all. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, my uncle was in prison, so it's not really that funny to me. >> I I hope I never go, personally. >> I would day one kingpin. >> You think? >> I would bring everyone of all all uh backgrounds and gangs under underneath my thumb. >> Oh, under your one thing. Yeah. They do seem pretty, for some reason, very race-heavy in their gangs in prison. I think I'd try to make one of those 1980s multiethnic gangs, where we all have a uniform, like The Warriors or something. >> Yeah. Well, I've hatchets. >> Yeah. >> Like the hatchet. >> [laughter] >> And uh now we we'd have like a little outfit we'd wear and we'd pose up in the yard and dance and sing. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, we'd do a we'd do a lot of this when we walk. And >> I'm bringing back the greasers. >> [laughter] >> Greasers have gone quiet too long. Even bald people can join my my greasers. >> Prison needs a new class of villain. Switchblade [ __ ] pompadour >> [laughter] >> real quick. >> Uh let this place run rampant long enough. I would be I would try to not be noticed by anyone and just I'd be one of those wise old guys in the library. >> [snorts] >> I'd imagine I'd be killed pretty quickly. >> You Do you remember that guy from Shawkshank that he was just like an old dude and they finally release him on parole and he he hangs himself? >> Let's say I do. >> Okay. Well, he's he's fully institutionalized. He's been there like for 70 [ __ ] years. >> Yeah. >> And he gets out of prison and he it shows him walking across the street and he's like, "The world's too damn fast now. There's cars everywhere." Like he went into prison before cars were even invented. So, he's like, "What the hell's going on?" And it scares him. So, he hangs himself cuz he's like, "I'm just I can't adapt adapt to this world." Uh if I could go in as a young man and just get kind of that old man respect that he had. >> Yeah. >> just he worked in the library and people were like, "Don't [ __ ] with him. He He was here since I got here." You know, if you could somehow get into prison and just immediately get seniority. Um so, I think I would just get in and lie and be like, "I was here years ago. I [ __ ] This is my They transferred me back. I used to run this [ __ ] back in the day." >> You haven't wanted me to notice me. [laughter] >> I'm the shadow leader of this prison. I've always been >> I AN OLD DUDE OR WHAT? >> [laughter] >> I'M SUPER >> I'VE GOT BENJAMIN Button's disease, so I'm right in the middle either way. [laughter] The same age. >> Yeah. >> Actually 4 years older than you think I am. >> Uh >> Yeah, I don't I don't I I wish I wish my uncle hadn't died prisoner or whatever so I could ask him about it and have him on the podcast. What's it like, monkey? Is it awful? Imagine it's awful. >> I think every every prison story I've heard people go like it [ __ ] sucks so bad. It was the worst [ __ ] in the world. >> It It seems pretty boring. It seems pretty awful. >> In You know what it's like? >> It takes stuff a way to go to prison. >> It seems like that is a good way to go to prison, but you get like really chill prison. Like it's non-violent prison. >> I could do chill prison for a little bit, couple days. >> going to have to join the Aryan Nation, but no problem. >> I've seen low security prison for 2 months and I've got a big swastika on my forehead. >> On [laughter] your face. Like a full face one. Yeah. Sorry, I had to I They didn't even ask if I wanted to join. I just [laughter] thought if I got this they'd let me in. >> need security. I need a backer. >> You get the tattoo preemptively so you don't get your ass kicked and then you're like They're like that gang's not even in this prison, dude. >> Uh Who do you work with? >> Uh nobody. >> [laughter] >> Uh >> Do solo podcast type deal. >> Uh What was I going to say? Oh, yeah, like everybody that I've I've heard talk about prison, they always kind of liken it to like active duty in the military where they're like you get some really die-hard friends with but you're friends with people you don't really even have anything in common with or like. You know what I mean? Like it's like a >> It's like sounds like summer camp. >> It's like a like a shared like trauma bonding or something like that. >> Yeah. >> And then you ask him like, you know, was it exciting? They're like, it was strangely some of the best times of my life. Like I remember a lot, but I don't think I would ever want to go back. You know, it's >> That's weird cuz you'd think the like biggest punishment for doing crimes would be a place a lot of people love, but >> That's true, yeah. >> I've always thought prison sounded fun. >> [clears throat] >> Some people [ __ ] love it. That guy that old guy from Shawshank, he killed himself cuz he couldn't go back. >> a real guy. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I just uh It seems super boring. I think would be the worst part. >> Well, if they just put that [ __ ] on wheels and give him kudzu to eat, >> [laughter] >> Now if I get some fresh air, >> [gasps] >> I would try I would just try to get really ripped. I think that'd be fun. >> What? Come out looking like Mike Tyson? After you got out of prison? >> And get out really [ __ ] shredded? That would be awesome. >> I did tax evasion. I never got in one fight. >> [laughter] >> Everyone was nice to me. >> Oh. Um >> I Yeah. >> Do you have anything else to add or do you want to wrap this [ __ ] up? >> Um Oh my god. Oh my god, there's a motion that's the flowers. Uh >> Go get your flowers. >> to say I uh I did go on another game show game show. >> Okay. >> And uh I told you I got us some publicity, but I looked back at it. I forgot to shout out the podcast at the end. >> You said you called me and you were like, I'm on a podcast called Forehead Fables. You're like, I gave us free publicity. Now you're then coming on here and saying >> Well, people in the comments were saying it. Yeah, I mentioned people were saying four-head fables, but I >> Okay. >> I got bashful. And I got called out for not buying not sending him the receipt for that aloe very publicly. Um which guys he just won't give me the money. >> Yeah. >> I don't know what to say. He just refuses to give me the money and he's lying. >> That That sounds more on brand for him, I think. >> And >> Wasn't I told I would win something, too, for that the first game show game show we went on and then never ended up getting anything? >> I destroyed them in general knowledge. I'm incredibly intelligent. >> No. >> What year did iPhone come out? 2007. >> Damn. That was quick. >> How much does a ton weigh? I didn't know that one. >> One ton. And >> As much as a ton of feathers. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> Which weighs more than a ton of bricks. No, I I've been thinking about that a lot lately that I have no idea what a ton weighs. And then I asked my friends and they almost all got it wrong. >> It's a tough one. >> Yeah. >> They don't teach you that in school. >> I want to say it's like 1,200 lb or something, but I don't know. >> It's 2,000. >> Is it 2,000? Okay. >> I think. Oh god, or maybe it's like >> This is This is on us for having such a weird archaic measurement system. >> It's 2,200 lb. >> Okay, I was literally 1,000 lb off. >> It's No, it's 2,000. >> Okay, 2,000. >> That was a metric ton. Well, see, they didn't specify if they meant metric or US. >> Yeah. Oh, dude, you would have hit him with a curveball if he said, "Imperial or metric?" >> Oh my god, I would have knowledge modded him so hard. [laughter] >> You don't even know, guy asking the questions, if it's Imperial or metric. >> If it's metric to US pounds, it's going to be 2205.1. >> Repeating, of course. >> .111. >> [laughter] >> Little bar over it. Now, there was some of them that were super obvious. I'm like, "Wow, I might be dumb as dumb as [ __ ] rocks." And then I get the next one right and be like Boy genius? >> Yeah. >> Man genius? Uh but I I don't really want to talk about it. >> Okay. Okay. Um I did >> I just wanted to get the recording to 2 hours, but I couldn't even fill 3 minutes. >> Oh, well, uh here here we go. I I was pretty excited, guys. I have been seeing nothing but like clips for the past 6 months from this guy John Kiriakou's Kiriakou's. Maybe. He's the guy that's like >> Yeah. >> And then we hit him with 47 cruise missiles. That guy. And uh he's the ex-CIA whistleblower. And I wanted to have him on cuz I was like, "Maybe I want to ask him some stuff outside of his job as an analyst and whistleblower cuz I feel like he's milked that to hell and back. >> Yeah. >> And so, what kind of movies do you like? >> Oh, yeah, like um Man in the Morpheus, which one? And uh I figured he would have great insight in that kind of stuff. And so, I found his email. I emailed him. And I got a secretary. And I can read the specific email if you want. >> Oh, boy. >> Uh >> Is it promising? >> It was uh no. It wasn't promising. It was not. >> Was it close? >> Uh close to what? >> A home run. It was >> No, I don't How come What the hell's going on here? I can't even see my own [ __ ] email that I sent him. Oh. >> hit the back wall. >> Yeah, I said, "Hey, I'd like you to I'd like to invite you to be on my show as a guest." Um "Regarding your future guest appearance, I hope the answer's yes. If the answer's no, I want you to consider how that impacts my feelings and how you've ruined my day and made me feel bad. Been loving your show so far, Sam. Uh I got a a response that says, "Hey Hey, Sam. Sorry to ruin your day, but unfortunately, John's schedule is just too packed for the foreseeable future. Wishing you all the best, Dana." That's his secretary. And uh >> Forever? >> And And I was like, "Okay, you know, I get it that he's he's been on like Theo Von's podcast. He's been on uh that Piers Morgan. He was on like Tucker Carlson's show. Big big shows. But then I also see like 2 weeks ago, like he's on some Joe Schmo [ __ ] podcast with like 20,000 views. He's like there's multiple podcasts that are significantly >> Menounos project. >> god, I'm sure he's been on there 58 times. This guy will go on any podcast that's listed. Um and so I was like, we're a podcast that's out there and definitely more numbers than these other ones that he's been on recently. Um but apparently, he's got so big for his [ __ ] britches that he won't come on our show. And I And I just I sent back a that picture of Bill Clinton where he looks completely drained. And I said, "Thank you for getting back to me about my rejection. I'm handling it well. This photo of Bill Clinton looking like his life force has been drained from his body is the closest approximation I can find to what I look like reading your previous email. Wishing you all the best, Sam." And then she replied, "LOL." And that's it. Uh but I think we got >> on the hook. I think I think you were so funny in the email chain that she's going to have to run that one to the top. >> to run it back. I think we got John in the future. >> had a pretty funny meme put in there. >> In the future, >> And uh >> either he's coming on the show or 47 cruise missiles are going to [ __ ] come through my house. >> Either here Here his options. And uh maybe this time he will negotiate with a terrorist. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> You can join our episode and be on it or you can join Haley Joel Osment in our personal [ __ ] you category. [laughter] In which tens of fans will be crashing down on you. >> What I love about Haley Joel Osment hate is that we had an entire episode bashing him. He never even responded to the email. Like We never [laughter] I just sent it. >> Probably probably got lost. >> probably like the wrong email address or something. Like I don't even know if I sent it the right place. I >> Haley Osment at gmail.com >> Dude, half the time I just smoke a shitload of weed. I just I was probably just googling like Haley Joel at gmail.com and then just like come on [laughter] our show, hit enter, close out of it. >> No subject. >> Yeah, no subject. No information as to what the show is. Um but we did get a response here. So this even though she was >> That's closer. >> very nice and cordial about it. Um I just honestly I for one I don't accept this rejection because I didn't hear it from John himself. I don't even Who the hell's this Dana lady? How do I know that she probably he probably would love to come on the show and then she's just [ __ ] him. Keeping him from coming on >> have asked that. Did you even show Did you even ask him? >> Yeah. Who the [ __ ] are you to be John's filter? >> Well you you've opened up a line of communication. >> I have. Well now I'm going to I'm probably just going to send a death threat so that she knows I'm not [ __ ] around. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, I'm going to get you. >> You know where 47 cruise missiles are going? I know a guy I know a bug guy in Delta Force. >> [laughter] >> We're going to look up. Why is it green up there? [laughter] >> That was awesome. I wish we had talked about that longer but [laughter] the guy ran out of bug jokes. >> All right, anyways guys we'll see you on the next one. We're going to do some more incorporating you you into the episodes. We'll probably have something for you in about a week. So, keep your eyes peeled on the Patreon. And if you're viewing this and not somehow sub to the Patreon, you're an interloper and >> Yeah. >> you're not >> call you Haley Joel Osment. >> Yeah, add you to the list of people that are pissing us off cuz this is supposed to be only for patrons. >> That's why I get to say stuff about people I know in real life cuz the people that know me would never spend money to support me. >> [laughter] >> They find me grating. >> They get just enough of you in person. They're not going to pay for access. >> How many guys he talks about how bad he is at [ __ ] just in real [laughter] life. >> It was just like that wedding we went to where all he did was talk about [ __ ] himself. Okay. All right, guys. Later.