Darryl Mayes skits

what's good y'all real quick man before we get into the video i never got the chance to personally thank you guys for allowing the channel to hit 300 000 subscribers that is absolutely crazy so i just want to say thank you guys i love and appreciate you so much man if you are not subscribed make sure to go ahead and subscribe because we are on the road to 1 million subscribers i'm calling it by the end of the year y'all i'm calling it bruh also for those of you who have been asking yes i do have merch if you go to shopmazemerge.com right now or click the link in the description box below you can get your own exclusive merch similar to this one this is the pop step away from the vehicle i gotta step away from the vehicle before i catch a case exclusive merch so like i said if you want to copy some merch if you just want to support the channel go ahead and grab you some merch right now all right so yeah man thank you guys for watching i hope you enjoyed the video all right [Music] hell is that man damn what's up d what the hell what's wrong with you what's wrong with me what's wrong with you how the hell you get in that damn house hey i need to talk to you bro bro how the hell did you get in my damn house oh yeah you left the window unlocked what i ain't leaving i ain't no damn i ain't leave no windows open no i say you left it open i said you left it unlocked have you lost your damn hey bro you busy i mean i won't sleep till you burglarize my damn home you lucky pop one here you would have shot your ass all right okay okay okay okay bro okay my bad my bad but i need your help though wait what man i listen so um i might you know say i had uh got down i had uh went out for the weekend you see i'm saying you're trying to have a good time and i i might have could have maybe possibly kind of sort of did um spend a little too much you know i said over the weekend so well you are saying like i'm not gonna be able to make my rent um if you know you got bills why the hell oh my likes oh my cable bro look i ain't i ain't got money to just be ah you know i ask you you know oh i want your money dude i asked you for the money so so what you need my help for i'm glad you asked check this out so i went and i did my research right and i printed out all the bank hours around the whole city okay so what that means all right so what we're gonna do is we're gonna find the safe locations in every single one of these banks right and then what we're gonna do is when they leave you hold up hold up hold up bro wait a minute hold up bring it back bring it back wait a minute put it put the brakes on it i know you're not asking me to help you rob no bank [ __ ] bro bro i look like i would rob a bank ain't no damn criminal okay okay check it out check it out so look i'm not go i'm not going to rob the bank per se you know i'm saying like i'm just going to go in that night when they leave you i'm saying i'm going to go in i'm going to find the safe you're saying i'm going to take out some money not all of it you're saying just somewhere enough to pay my bills you know i'm saying i'll say i don't need a million i just need you i'm saying smooth couple bands y'all they cover my bills maybe give me a watch you feel me and then and then on friday when i get paid you still saying i'm gonna come back i'm gonna sneak back in you see i'm saying and then i'm gonna replace the money i took you know i'm saying so i ain't like i'm not stealing from the bank or or robbing the bait it's more like a bank loan you see wait a minute hold up you got to be the stupidest okay let me get this straight you gonna break into the bank somehow magically open up the safe and then steal money borrow some money you gonna steal some damn money from the bank go home come back on friday when you get paid you gonna go and bring it to the bank again and replace the money that you stole the first time and the magical part about all this you ain't gonna get caught right you got to be about the dumbest individual on the face of the earth if you think come on d we can do this bro i'm gonna help you ride no damn bang why not have you never heard of prison bro man prison ain't that bad like like to be honest bro like it's really not bro well excuse me i know you was an inmate i mean i ain't never been you know i'm saying but like i know people you know they who know people you know what i'm saying like who knows people not saying who been to prison and they be like ain't that bad that's all you gotta do is like stay in your sail you know what i'm saying like fight sometimes make you some goddamn noodles you feel me but like i mean really like come on but you can do that bro like that that's easy bro i'm saying like ain't that bad i'm not doing that bro cd bro like that's your problem bro you real selfish like if it was you i'll help you you say i'm saying oh really what about the time you left me to get jumped by them damn gangsters ain't no ain't nobody going nowhere bro you got three seconds to tell me if you burn gang or if you false claiming before i start putting bullet holes in everybody man you know what i'm tired of this my daddy raised me to be no damn punk you know what i'm saying it's two of us it's two of y'all so either y'all gonna back up by my face or we gonna have to lay hands on you ain't that right bro please don't shoot me [Music] hey bro we all lit bro what were you saying oh what about the time that you prank called pops and told him it was my idea yes sir i'm with the electric company and uh we just wanted to call to remind you that your bill is due next week and uh we don't want you to miss it again first of all i know what my damn bills will do i don't need you calling to hit it hold up again what the hell you mean again i know there's no damn payment yeah it looks like here you have a um outstanding balance of five thousand dollars five thousand dollars [Music] three two [Music] [Music] dad before you say anything this is daryl's idea i i i i promise you i told we should have did this because i know that you don't like joking around like that because like you too real for that and you you be too busy man you work too hard to be you know i'm saying getting joked on like that i told him this was a bad idea i don't know why i don't know why he wanted to go through with this i don't need why you bringing up old stuff bro i'm bro i'm not having this conversation with you bro i'm not i'm not getting arrested for you man oh my god dude we're not gonna get arrested bro you're damn right i'm not getting arrested you wanna know why cause i'm not doing it i just wanna be my bro you know what i'll tell you what i don't give a name don't worry about it don't worry about it i'll do it my damn stuff i don't need you i don't need nobody a man gotta do what a man gotta do y'all wanna help me you ain't gotta help me i'll do it for you though i tell you that i do it for your ass thanks for nothing hi bruh so you really ain't gonna come hell no all right okay i'm gonna remember that next time you talking on the skittle don't call me because i ain't gonna be able to save your ass all right whatever i'm stinking i am instead of damn windows damn criminal later that same evening what's happening it's your boy jerome jenkins and i'm back with your breaking news at five just in a local charlotte man was just arrested for an attempted bank robbery witnesses say twenty-three-year-old walked into a bank and demanded that he be shown the location of the safe and the passcode to open it he then told employees and i quote i'll be back tonight and you better not change it well because he said his stupid ass came back only when he came back there was a heap of officers waiting on his ass the suspect was tased upon arrival and is now resting in cmc jailhouse now police officers are still looking for his partner the suspect gave them the name daryl mays also known as the slaughter if anyone has any information please call crime stoppers immediately and get these negroes appreciate you when the hell you start robbing banks that ain't rob no banksy lying oh hey you better start running cause you finished to go to [Music] this is jail police open up ain't nobody here dad don't you still got a warrant what the hell i got a warrant for remember you hit that lady in that police officer i'm gonna close my eyes i'ma act like this is all a dream and when i open them back up if you are still standing next to my damn vehicle i'ma knock every tooth in your damn mouth onto the concrete sir you know what i've had is that what that was oh my god also i'm so sorry i'm legally blind what the hell is going on man what the hell you thinking man you say what i said what the hell is you thinking you just hit that damn lady i forgot to tell you i'm legally deaf too i can't hear you hold the hell on you blind and you deaf ain't you driving you know what your ass going to jail you gotta check on this lady to make sure she your ass is under arrest get up lady you all right hey you gonna go right back to jail that that what you're doing i'm legally blind remember dad you not blind what you talking about god damn it i'm blind today i know you ain't finished we better get the hell out of here the microphone is on the microphone is home i feel weird there's a man outside the window and i'm yelling so i'm hoping he can't hear me because then it's going to be kind of awkward and this ain't my house see i'll be renting these spaces so i want him to call the cop like black man hiding in the house i think somebody might get hurt so you know i just won't be sure that ain't nothing going on eat some chapstick some comments or something but i can't wait get your damn words out girl this damn man gonna get on my nerve i'ma just hop through the window like superman just land on his ass take two is the microphone on is the microphone on welcome to my asmr channel i ain't gonna delete it because it could be bloopers in there all right damn i keep moving by itself stop doing this all right witnesses say 23 witnesses say 23 year old witnesses say 23 year old well just like your stupid ass well just like you said his stupid ass came back only when it came back it was a heap of officers waited for him the victim the suspect was ah i'm trying to read the phone at the same time i'm trying to okay anyway my damn eyebrows hurt from founding so much what the hell and my eyebrows are like that soul you know what i'm saying because i ain't trying to be no thief not like they know criminal and then i'm gonna what's how [Music] you