Music

Currently Playing: I Can’t Bone – Hilarious DnD Lich Song

Even liches have… performance issues. A hilarious tavern-style DnD song sung from a lich’s perspective. Perfect for players who enjoy comedy at the table. LYRICS : [Verse 1] I was once a mighty mage, feared across the land, Now I’m just a pile of bones with staff in hand. I conquered death itself, my power’s set in stone… But despite all that, I can’t get a bone! [Pre-Chorus] Clatter, clack, I’m rattlin’ alone, Immortal, but can’t get in the zone. Skeleton jokes, they cut to the core… They laugh when I say, “I’m stiff no more!” [Chorus] I can’t bone (nooo!) I can’t bone (ohhh!) I’ve got all these bones, but I can’t bone! I’m a lich, I’m cursed, I’m cold as stone— I can raise the dead, but I can’t bone! [Verse 2] I’ve got a horde of skeletons, they follow my command, But they won’t stop chuckling when I can’t stand. My phylactery is safe, my power’s not on loan… But gods above, I still can’t bone! [Pre-Chorus] Clatter, clack, the tavern starts to roar, Skeleton minions rolling on the floor. I raise my hands, lightning fills the night… But when it comes to love, I just ain’t right! [Chorus] I can’t bone (nooo!) I can’t bone (ohhh!) I’ve got all these bones, but I can’t bone! I’m a lich, I’m cursed, I’m cold as stone— I can raise the dead, but I can’t bone! [Bridge] I’ve lived a thousand years, but never had a date, I tried a banshee once, but she showed up late. Even vampires mock me, ghosts all groan… They whisper in the dark: “He can’t bone!” [Final Chorus] I can’t bone (nooo!) I can’t bone (ohhh!) I’ve got all these bones, but I can’t bone! I’m a lich, I’m cursed, I’m all alone— Forever undead… and I can’t bone!